


Not Even The Rain

by cabarets



Category: Code Blue: Doctor Heli Kinkyuu Kyuumei
Genre: F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Happy?, fine i'll place kind of real tags on this because that is the true purpose of this, fine i'll put a real tag screw all y'all, fine it's a slow burn bc i'm not gonna update it very often so lol, hmm how do i say this without spoiling anything, obviously no one, retirement doesn't suit me either i get bored easily, so i'm back, there, this is aly's take on the fake dating au screw it, this is not how tags are supposed to be done but whatever i know you secretly enjoy this, this is why i don't do tags seriously, who was i kidding, you know how i write i don't need to tell you what genre it is you guys aren't stupid, yup i'm putting on the crown of clowns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-26
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:13:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 29,993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22404706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cabarets/pseuds/cabarets
Summary: “Shiraishi, you always seemed to appear whenever it rained.”
Relationships: Aizawa Kousaku/Shiraishi Megumi
Comments: 78
Kudos: 76





	1. Chapter 1

Growing up, Shiraishi never played out in the rain. Doctors orders.

_"Megumi, let’s stay in for the day — it’s about to rain."_

It was either you’d end up getting sick, or getting hurt — or even get struck by lightning. However, it was mostly the paranoia that parents have for their children — the overwhelming duty to protect. So she often just watched kids her age running around the rain, jumping through the puddles, getting mud all over themselves — through the safety of glass windows.

She never really questioned it, realising that everyone did that sort of thing — even the flowers would close off to keep itself from breaking. The birds would stand by the railings of windows, furiously shaking off the water trapped on their wings.

_"Doctor-heli cannot operate today due to the weather. The emergency has been redirected to the Fire and anti-disaster service. Stand-by for further instruction."_

Now that she’s older, it seemed to stuck even as she worked — the heli most of the time could not fly in the rain. All she and Lifesaving could do at moments like this was wait. It was frustrating at times, but she understood. It wouldn’t be good if the ones who are supposed be helping end up being stuck — end up being a burden, unhelpful.

_"For a long time—I’ve been bothered by the mood around me. In order to respond to everyone’s expectations, I came here. It’s not that I particularly wanted to come here. It’s just that it happened to come my way. That kind of person shouldn’t have come here. I ruined it. I’ve ruined Kuroda-sensei’s life!"_

The rain only reminded her of memories, of feelings she wouldn’t want to remember. Of pain, of grief — of unworthiness. All she ever knew about the rain is that it only brought on suffering. So naturally, she is inclined to stay inside and keep herself away from it — tucked under the covers, only having one thought whenever it did.

_Nothing really good comes with the rain._

* * *

It was a productive morning for Shiraishi and the team over at Lifesaving, the skies were clear and everyone transported into Shohoku have all been stabilised. It was the sort of day that you felt like it was too good to be true.

It was.

“Hello,” Shiraishi says to the receiver,

It was a classmate of hers, Akira-chan, on planning a reunion with their high school classmates. It was something that could have been relayed through e-mail, but she seemed quite eager, so Shiraishi humoured her for a bit. There was nothing set in stone but was asking if she could come to it. To think, it would seem like a pretty easy conversation to have and yet one way or another, it ended with Shiraishi giving an implication that she had a boyfriend and was bringing him along when the time comes. She had no way of revoking because as soon as Akira assumed, she immediately got too excited and hung up before Shiraishi could say anything else.

_Sun may give way to rain for this evening, with a ten-percent chance of precipitation and a low of ten degrees. Winds are expected to remain calm at nine mph._

It didn’t seem like it was going to rain today. The forecast said that there was only a ten-percent chance. Yet here it was, the ten-percent chance, as she was about to head home. Shiraishi searched into her bag for an umbrella, yet after frustratingly rummaging through it — she realises she had forgotten to pack it.

_Like it couldn’t get any worse._

As the rain falls, she prays that it would only be a light drizzle — that it was going to end as soon as it came.

She then vacantly watches the rain, but her attention was drawn to a figure slowly approaching her. It was Aizawa, who she hasn’t seen in awhile. He’s in a different department and it gets busy in Neurosurgery quite often. So seeing him here, in something other than a uniform no less, is different.

“Hi,”

He nods his head in response as he closes the umbrella he had in tow.

“It’s been awhile,”

“It has,” he responds, “have you been keeping well?”

Usually when someone asks a question like this, she could easily respond with an answer that would satisfy whoever she was speaking to, even if it wasn’t all truthful — but for some reason she couldn’t convene a response.

“Shiraishi,”

“I’m good,” Shiraishi retorts, “I’m really good,”

It sounded like a lie and she was certain that Aizawa caught on that. Luckily, it's Aizawa, he was the type who didn't pry, which Shiraishi was grateful for.

“You’re heading home?” he asks, shaking off droplets that got caught on his coat.

“I was going to, but I left my umbrella,” she sighs, “I guess I’ll have to wait for the rain to end,”

The rain roared louder, as if mocking. It clearly wasn’t going to stop anytime soon.

“I received an invitation for my high school reunion,” she reveals,

Since it was going to be awhile before the rain stops — might as well, he wasn't the type to gossip either. She trusted him, despite it being a long time since they've had a decent conversation.

“Oh,”

“and that friend of mine assumed I’d be bringing someone with me — like a boyfriend.”

“I see,”

“I don’t have a boyfriend,”

“I think I’m quite aware of that,” he says, “did you have a chance to clarify?”

“They got too excited by the fact, because I’ve never been interested on those kinds of things.”

Shiraishi chuckles to herself at how ridiculous she sounds right now — he probably thought the same. Is she some sort of middle-schooler to have these kinds of problems? More like a high schooler, which is sort of funny in itself. She looks to her colleague and sees him hold his hand out in the rain, letting the droplets fall into his fingertips.

“I can’t go now can’t I?”

“I think you should go,” he concludes, “even if you said that,”

“I would look like a liar — lonely.”

“But you do want to go, don’t you? Boyfriend or not, I think they’d be quite happy to see you.”

“It’s not for awhile, so maybe I can find someone before that,” she jokes,

“Perhaps,”

She looks at him and sighs deeply, but Aizawa doesn’t say anything, like he usually does. Instead, he offers up the umbrella he had on him to Shiraishi.

“Aizawa,”

“It’s alright,” he secures his umbrella to her hands, “I’ll be here all night,”

Shiraishi looks back at Aizawa as he left her and went off to the lockers. She steps out into the rain, with his umbrella in tow, she suddenly felt so aware of her surroundings — the light mist hitting your face as you first step into it, the sound of the droplets hitting against the waterproof fabric, the smell of the wet leaves. Those things suddenly made her realise that everything was going to be just fine. It’s just a little bit of rain.

_Thank you for offering me your umbrella today, Aizawa._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, happy new year by the way! 
> 
> This is a fic wherein I step out of my comfort zone, because I'm doing this with no concrete plans on how to deal with it. It's a work-in-progress (WIP), which means I am not sure where this fic is going to take me — how long is this fic gonna take me. So I'm just warning you about the impending timeframe that this fic will take to update, to complete. So apologies in advance, maybe subscribe to it in the meantime or maybe watch it be updated on my twitter, apart from my live breakdowns.
> 
> Let me know what do you expect me to do with this, because theories are great and tbh discussions are everything. Happy reading! ♡


	2. Chapter 2

“You should get yourself on those dating sites, ugly,” Mary Jane said to her as she grabs on to Shiraishi’s phone, “since you can’t get any luck anywhere else.”

She didn’t really bring up the fact that she was looking for someone, or that of her _situation_ — but Mary Jane had that certain feeling when one of her waiters asked her where her boyfriend was. It was something reasonable to be asked about, Shiraishi thought, for it was the weekend and she was spending it alone, at a bar of all places — so she didn’t get offended when he had asked. It just so happened that Mary Jane had overheard the conversation.

“So, you do like hiking?” they ask as she was typing along, “or are you more of a Museum girl?”

Shiraishi couldn’t remember much from that night, since she drank a lot — the understatement of the century. Not that she was being irresponsible or drinking her feelings away, it was more of the fact that she was so reluctant to answer any of the obscure questions from the dating site that she had to down a few glasses before she could.

> _Shiraishi-sensei, would you like to have dinner with me sometime?_

She thought it was just a figment of her own imagination, or some drunken hallucination — but it did happen. Mary Jane successfully registered her information into a dating site that evening. To make things more interesting, someone actually responded to her profile, and chatted with her all night — to which Shiraishi does not know how it happened.

“Shiraishi,”

She was simply staring at her phone in her disbelief, when someone knocks her out of it. Shiraishi’s phone slips in between her fingers in shock, yet it was caught by Aizawa, who was the one who startles her in the first place.

“Are you alright?” he says, “You seem lost in thought.”

Aizawa was about to return her phone to her when she remembers what was on the screen and panics — to which became the reason why he saw what was actually on it. He didn’t say anything but gave Shiraishi a questionable look as he returns the phone back to her.

“It’s not what you think,” she utters defensively,

“What do you think I’m thinking about?” he asks,

“I’m not desperate,”

“I didn’t say you were,”

“It was a drunken mistake. Mary Jane made m—” she didn’t get to finish her reasoning but finishes her thought in frustration, “I don’t have to explain it to you,”

“I didn’t say you had to,”

Aizawa moves a bit, positioning himself in front of her and motions her to breathe. At her exhale, she feels the tension leave her body and she wonders why she got all defensive around him for something so small— insignificant.

“I’m sorry,” she whispers,

Aizawa shakes his head and that was that. Shiraishi was sure that that would be the end of the conversation, but it bothers her. She wasn’t sure if the idea of finding someone on a dating site was the one that was troubling her, or the fact that Aizawa was seeing her using this without any context. But it was bothering her, so she decides to do something about it.

“Hey Aizawa, do you have some time?”

* * *

They went outside to the hospital’s garden with something to drink in hand — to which Shiraishi payed for and Aizawa refused to let her, dropping coins into her pocket while they were on the way there. They sat by the bench and Shiraishi started to talk about how after too many glasses of gin and tonic, she ended up with a dating profile — showing him the profile and what was in it. For some reason, she felt comfortable letting him see even the messages she had sent — to which Aizawa just simply took it in and listened to her intently, scanning the contents of her phone as it was passed to him from time to time.

“I really don’t have any luck,” she concludes her story, laughing it off

“Don’t say that,”

“But sometimes, I have to agree,” she states, “maybe there’s something wrong with me.”

Maybe there was something wrong with her. When was the last time she went on an actual date? Before Shiraishi could get lost in her self-loathing, Aizawa once again broke her train of thought with something she thought she would never hear from him.

“Shiraishi, just because you aren’t actively dating, doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. You don’t need someone to tell you that you’re fine the way you are.”

Was she hearing things? Before she could even reply to what he said — before she could even comprehend, it starts to rain. Shiraishi impulsively grabs on to Aizawa’s arm as the rain increases its strength rather quickly, dragging him to the nearest place they could seek shelter to. She doesn’t realise she hasn’t removed her hold on him until he offers her a handkerchief to use.

“So are you going to go?” Aizawa asks,

* * *

Maybe it’s the strong urge to be spontaneous, or maybe it’s reckless abandon, but she was here.

She actually went on this date.

This man, who she met on that dating site, seemed reasonable — he wasn’t bad. He had an amiable face, a respectable job — he worked in Finance, and they seemed to have a good conversation. On the site, he looked like someone you would bring home to your mother. They agreed to meet for dinner on the weekend, at this highly raved about restaurant in the richer districts — which Shiraishi didn’t seem to mind. It seemed like the type of place his kind of people would go to.

Shiraishi arrived there maybe a little bit earlier than planned, but that was something natural for her to do, so she didn’t mind waiting for him. Maybe around the third time the waiter came to her table, asking if she was ready to order, was when she started to get a little bit flustered — annoyed even. She looked at her phone every now and again and after a few more messages, she receives a response from her date saying that wouldn’t be able to make it.

 _Great._ She’s been stood up.

As she glanced from the other tables, some are paying no mind and engrossed in their own bubbles, but there are really people who are starting to look at you at situations like this. Staring at you with apologetic looks, staring at you as they audibly whisper like they know what’s going on with you. Shiraishi couldn’t help but feel worse and worse every second she sat at that table. She wanted to leave and she wanted to leave right now.

“I’m so sorry Megumi for being late,” he exclaims loudly, “they wouldn’t let me go.”

But before she could even stand up from her seat, she looks up to see her former colleague standing right in front of her. Aizawa stands there a little bit breathless, like he ran there, yet appropriately dressed for the atmosphere— his hair was a little bit disheveled but it sort of worked for him. He looks so different. His presence, Shiraishi dared to say was sort of attractive. But what was he doing here? He comes closer as if to kiss her, but it was only to whisper subtly into her ear.

“Shiraishi, just go with it, yeah?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had time today, but that doesn't mean I'll update this as fast the next chapter. I'm in the middle of an important time in my life, because I have a set of interviews for my dream job to prepare for. I'm studying and preparing very hard for it so I really hope I get it. It's really difficult to get in and it took me a really long time to be even considered, so I hope you send me some love and support because heaven knows I need all of it. 
> 
> But enough of my personal life, I hope you guys look forward to whatever else I come up with. I really want to do a good job in both my interviews and in my writings. They're very important to me. Anyway, I am looking forward to your thoughts as well! Hope you guys have a good weekend. ♡


	3. Chapter 3

“Aizawa, head on to Lifesaving for a bit,”

Aizawa came to the Emergency room as Saijo-sensei was occupied when they had called him earlier. He didn’t mind the fact, he was used to being asked for a second opinion by his former department — they did handle a lot of head trauma cases at Lifesaving. He also wouldn’t lie that he found it a bit nostalgic and he enjoyed the familiarity whenever he came.

As usual, the staff seems to have everything under their control — despite it looking quite chaotic from an outsiders point of view. Everyone was either silently working or audibly saying whatever they were working on — maybe they’d be doing something in between those lines. Saejima called out to him as he entered, motioning him to where she was. She was assisting Shiraishi, who was attending to an older man, who seemed to be intubated.

“Can someone tell me the situation?” he says as he starts to examine the patient’s pupils,

“A man in his 60s. GCS score 10, unwitnessed fall from painting the walls of his home and found later on by passersby. Electively intubated as he was combative at the scene.” Saejima replies,

“Do you have a C—” Aizawa responds, but is immediately cut off,

“CT Scan? Yes, you could see the findings over the table next to me,” Shiraishi says as she hands him the results,“It’s nonfocal, right? His eyes seem to be in midline and his extraocular muscles are in full range,”

Shiraishi blurts out every single information she could gather to Aizawa as he examined the findings given to him. In the back of his mind, he questioned why Shiraishi had even called for Neurosurgery when it seems to him that she had it all under control on her own. Despite that, he knew Shiraishi was the type of person that would only call if she really needed. Maybe the help she really needed wasn’t in terms of expertise but that she just needed a little bit of assurance that she was making the right calls as it was a pretty packed case for her. She was like that.

It took awhile before they wheeled in the patient to the ICU and Aizawa stayed by Shiraishi’s side until she finished prescribing the proper treatment. She told him that she could handle the report on her own, but Aizawa insisted on helping her. The responsibilities for this patient are for both of them to bare, after all.

* * *

Before they could start to work on their report, Aizawa and Shiraishi took a detour by the Neurosurgery office for him to grab his laptop. When he saw a few of his co-workers there, who seemed to be taken aback as he introduced Shiraishi to them. He did not know why though, but he found it extremely bothersome — especially when one of his colleagues, Shinkai went close to her and shook her hand. Shiraishi looked flustered from the gesture so he grabs what he needed as quickly as he could to remove him and Shiraishi from the situation.

He then follows her to the Lifesaving office and settled themselves by her desk— Shiraishi grabbing a chair for him, only for Aizawa to get it from her. A silent protest from both parties are felt — Shiraishi pouts at him while Aizawa gives her a look of disregard — but it was rather short and they immediately started working with such rigour that they finished their long report in record time.

“Done,” Aizawa breaks the silence between them,

“I could say the same,” Shiraishi says as she types in the last of her report,

“Ah,”

Before Aizawa could stand up, Shiraishi gives him a weighted look, as if she still had something on her mind — her hands intertwined. He moved his chair closer to her as a gesture of her to continue. It takes a moment for her to ease up on what she wants to ask, but Aizawa was willing to attend to it.

“I’m gonna go on that date,” Shiraishi says shyly,

“Oh,”

Usually, Aizawa would just shrug it off with an air of indifference. He doesn’t really dive in to the lives of his coworkers. He just didn’t see the point. What would the information of someone going on a date bring him? Unless he’s the one being asked out, It didn’t concern him. Hell, even if he was the one being asked out, he couldn’t care less about it. The idea of dating for him, at least for the time being, is something out of his sight — out of his mind.

But it was Shiraishi.

It was probably a matter of him knowing Shiraishi, as a colleague, even as a friend, you could maybe argue that they grew up together, at least as medical professionals — in that sense he was concerned on how to react to it. To react to the fact that Shiraishi was going on a date.

There was also the fact that Aizawa was aware on how everything transpired, to which his concern intensifies. He was afraid that Shiraishi was doing this for all the wrong reasons. Frankly, he thought Shiraishi could do better than have _“We met at a dating site.”_ as the answer if someone asked how she met her partner. She deserves better than that.

She didn’t have to tell him about it — about anything. He really questions why Shiraishi divulges this information to him, surely there are better options for her. But, the fact that she chose to confide in him — he really couldn’t help but feel the need to help her out in some way. So, what Aizawa decides instead was to make sure that she wouldn’t get hurt.

“When?” he inquires,

“Huh?”

“When is the date?”

“Oh,” Shiraishi reacts as if she’s surprised, “on the weekend — Saturday around 7, he said.”

She shows him the restaurant on her phone, to which Aizawa mentally took a note of it. He trusted Shiraishi’s judgement, of course, but he felt something was off — a premonition of sorts. However, Shiraishi looks a little bit excited as she shows him the beautiful interiors of the restaurant, which helps ease his worries a little bit.

“Well, tell me how it goes, Shiraishi,” he says instead,

He genuinely means that thought — that he wants to know how it went. Not the exact details, no. Not that sort of know. The know that it went well or not kind. However, he knows that he was going to hear the full story either way — which is the only thing he would think is something he’s happy not knowing.

Shiraishi doesn’t say anything else about it after that, to which Aizawa takes as a cue for him to take an exit. She deserves the rest after a long day. He organises the few things he brought with him and stands to leave.

“Wait Aizawa,” she calls out to him,

“Hm?”

“Could you read mine?”

Of all the people he has met, he could tell you that Shiraishi was one of the people you could rely on to give a good report. He should know. He has read quite a few of them. Maybe it was having a professor for a father, but Shiraishi’s written reports are truly of high quality. So by Shiraishi asking that of him, he couldn’t help but be flattered. It flattered him.

“Of course,”

“I could’ve missed something,”

“I highly doubt that,”

They’ve exchanged their notes for each other to read and slowly, immersing themselves into how each other interpreted their findings— going somewhere, in a sense, where they have never travelled.

* * *

He did not know why he was walking so fast.

He did have a naturally brisk gait, one of the things you acquire working at a hospital for so long — but it was faster than normal. There wasn’t any rush, he wasn’t going to be late for anything — but he felt like he was. He was checking his phone every now and again to see if he was going the right way.

The moment he realised he made it to where he needed to be, was also the moment he realises that he actually didn’t have a concrete plan on what to do next. But then he sees her as he looked through the windows, and suddenly, it made sense as to why he was here.

She looked quite different from what she looked like in the hospital and in the few times she saw her casually. If he was being honest, this was the Shiraishi he thought he’d meet when they were in the Fellowship. The one that was kind, smart, beautiful, maybe even too beautiful — not that she wasn’t. She was. What he meant that this Shirashi, was the one that was rather untouchable. Shiraishi on that table was that one.

But there was something in her eyes that made Aizawa stare for quite a bit longer and observe. She hasn’t seen him yet, but she was approached by a waiter at that moment and after Shiraishi dismissed the waiter, it was clear to him that he made the right decision to come. The chair across her looked untouched and the way that Shiraishi checked her phone shortly after was a giveaway for him that she had been stood up.

He found it absurd. Shiraishi was popular among the staff and he has seen numerous men who have been rejected by her — most of the time unknowingly. The only reason he believed her to be single for so long is that she’s too much of a workaholic and well, because she’s just oblivious to the fact that people are interested. Though he made himself promise that he wouldn’t dip his toes into other people’s business, but as her friend, he was angry. He was angry for her. She doesn’t deserve to be deserted on a place like this. She doesn’t deserve to be so publicly humiliated like that.

This was reckless and downright stupid. He knows.

“I have a reservation with her,” he says as he enters the restaurant — the staff trying to catch up to him as he darted straight to her table.

But, he does it anyway. He just hopes he dressed up correctly.

“I’m so sorry Megumi for being late,” he exclaims loudly, “they wouldn’t let me go.”

Maybe calling her by her first name was a little excessive, he had to admit — but it just slipped so there isn’t anything much to do at that point. As she looked up, she had a questionable look to her, but it was replaced with relief as she realised that it was him standing right in front of her.

He came closer as if to kiss her. He did not know why, but he would've if needed. He would’ve — but at the split second, decided not to. Maybe it wasn’t the right idea for Shirashi to have another thing to think about for tonight. He’s already certain she’s quite at her lesser being stood up and showing up like this is on a different spectrum. Kissing her would just put her into a state of overwhelm and that’s not what he intends to happen tonight. So he decides to whisper subtly in her ear instead, to give her a little clarity.

“Shiraishi, just go with it, yeah?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did you really thing i won't introduce Shinkai at any point?? are u joking???? give me something to live for pLEASE
> 
> ok listen, i really am studying properly, i just didn't go to the gym so i had 2 hours of free time WOO — hence this fic update lol
> 
> anyway yeah your well wishes are always appreciate please continue on sending them my way bc i really believe in the power of a good support system lol


	4. Chapter 4

It became clear that tonight— tonight was going to be much different than Shiraishi had anticipated. She couldn’t imagine herself going on a date, it was after a long time since she’d ever been on one — but what she couldn’t really imagine was that she was going on a date with Aizawa. If she was being honest, she never really thought of Aizawa in that way before — but she hasn’t really thought of anyone in that way in a long time.

It was interesting to say the least. Shiraishi orders for the both of them because Aizawa couldn’t really decipher how the menu work. Fortunately, he was very open to the fact that he knew nothing about fine dining, which Shiraishi thought was a little endearing. Besides the fact that he questions the portions of food that came out, he seems to have enjoyed every single one — but not without looking at her every now and again to see how it would’ve been eaten and some things weren’t supposed to be. It took a lot of time for each dish to come out, not because the service was slow, but it was more that both of them had a lot to say to each other. It was more of Shiraishi doing the talking, but Aizawa shares a few things every now and again. By the time the bill arrives was the only time the room felt tense as both insisted on paying for everything. Aizawa ends up doing so, but only because the waiter was frightened by his gaze.

As they exited the premises, they were greeted by the pouring rain. The sound of the over-pour from the roofing could be heard from where they stood. A worried look etches Shiraishi’s face as she looks on to the streets — the rain blurring her view. The rain. She forgot about that. She was rushing that she forgot to check the night’s forecast. She would’ve been prepared if she had her normal bag with her tonight, but instead she had one that held nothing but her wallet. This is why she doesn’t like these small purses.

“You didn’t bring an umbrella, didn’t you?”

Shiraishi feels the blood rush to her face as he asks— covering half of it in her mortification. Was her expression reflecting the thoughts within her? Maybe. But she thinks Aizawa just took cue from how she was carrying almost nothing as they left their table. That’s probably it. She shakes her head in response and Aizawa simply smiles at her.

“I’ll take you to wherever you need to go,” he says as he takes out an umbrella from his bag,

They argue for a moment on how to get home — to get her home. Aizawa was willing to pay for a taxi to take her home, but Shiraishi wouldn’t let him. She rather go on a train to which he couldn’t help but say no to. It was rather late and he doubts that she would make it in time — to which she answers with a witty retort, telling him if he just starts walking already they would possibly make it in time.

The wind picks itself up as they walked — misting them with the rain as they push forward. Even if Aizawa was trying his best to keep her in the umbrella, Shiraishi couldn’t help but feel uncomfortable. Her coat was rather thin and it stuck to her skin as the mist slowly drenches the fabric. She wanted to take it off, but that would be much worse for her as her dress would end up being the same.

When they round a corner, they were met with someone on their bicycle, who was clearly rushing. The biker almost collides with her but Aizawa quickly pushes her to his side before they could. If things couldn’t get any worse. She mutters in her frustation, stomping her foot down on the ground — furthering her annoyance as little droplets splashed on her shoe as she did. Aizawa quickly glances back at where the biker went in his confusion.

“Shiraishi, are you alright?” Aizawa asks, “Are you hurt? Did he hit y—”

“I hate the rain,” she whispers,

“What?”

“The rain brings nothing but bad things. I should not have come! I’ve waited in that restaurant for hours but nothing was worse than being stood up — stood up by a man I met through a dating site. A dating site! It would’ve been fine if people weren’t staring at me the whole time. I was even stupid enough to not bring an umbrella, so now I’m wet, cold, and for sure will get sick tomorrow. Nothing good comes with the rain!”

As she places a finality to her statement, she suddenly was greeted with guilt as their eyes met.

Aizawa.

“Aizawa, I—” she fumbles,

How could she forget? She truly believes that the rain really brought out the worse in her. Nothing really good comes with the rain after all.

Aizawa holds in a laugh from her little rant about the rain. Even if his face never reacts once the entire time she was speaking — she could still tell he’s trying to hold it in. He did look away for a moment and exhales — which proves her assumptions correct.

“Shiraishi, Can you hold the umbrella for a moment?”

What he does next is something Shiraishi did not anticipate. As she hold the umbrella in her hands, Aizawa swiftly gets off his coat and places it around her.

“You’ll get wet,” is what Shiraishi says, because she couldn’t really say anything else,

“You hate the rain,” he answers as he secures the coat on her, “I for one, do not. So take it, I’ll be fine.”

Shiraishi couldn’t argue with him. Shiraishi even wanted to ask why did he like the rain — and other questions in between. However, she couldn’t and was met with silence. Silence with a hint of rainfall hitting the umbrella shielding them both. Silence. It wasn’t the type of silence like giving someone a cold shoulder after an argument. No. It wasn’t that sort of silence. It was a silence where you were left to think, a moment of calm — much like Aizawa himself.

It didn’t feel like they would, if she was being honest, but much like Shiraishi had believed, they had made it at the station in time — with a few minutes to spare.

“Well, we’re here,” he says as they reached the station,

“We are,” she replies,

“Are you sure you’re alright until here?”

“Yes,”

“Alright,” he nods, “have a good night, Shiraishi,”

He turns around and takes his leave — heading back into the rain. Shiraishi suddenly felt so hyperaware of her surroundings — the dark sky, the sound of the water hitting the concrete, the sound of his shoes as it hit the ground. Her heart skips a beat from the sound of thunder that came in suddenly. As he moved further and further away, she realises something she hasn’t — with the rain, time could suddenly feel so slow. As it slows down, you could catch up. You could catch up with something you’ve been meaning to do — meaning to say.

“Aizawa,” she calls out to him,

Despite her being drenched and cold — even if this wasn’t a date and more of him just being a good person, this was the most fun she had in years. She just wants to make sure he knows that. He stops in his tracks and slowly turns around at the sound of her voice.

“I had fun,” Shiraishi shouts, “did you?”

He doesn’t say anything, but as soon as their eyes locked, he raises his hand to bid her adieu. There was something else though. Something that Shiraishi would’ve missed if she had blinked. Something that she questions if it really happened — a subtle expression that only came around once in awhile.

_Did he just smile at me?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm really clowning y'all with what i said earlier that i wasn't gonna update frequently, huh? i'm so sorry but like i'm really fired up today bc i'm so triggered (the real ones really know lmao). in retrospect, i should've have just combined 2-4 in one chapter since they're all just from the same arc but i digress. i did tell you that this is an unplanned mess so lol. i also want to get rid of this arc already so let me live. i'll try to do better and think them through in the next few chapters, if i have time that is.
> 
> anyway, please do continue having me in your thoughts bc they haven't called me back yet for the next round of interviews so i'm still going for that okay cool cool enjoy reading happy weekend!


	5. Chapter 5

> _Shiraishi-sensei, I am so sorry for what happened last night. It was a very important business deal I had to secure. Surely, someone like you would understand._

It’s the early morning when Shiraishi got a notification from her supposed date last night.

> _Perhaps we could try again? I would really like to get to know you._

Maybe it was because of the feeling of being unconscious the few mins upon waking or the feeling of queasiness from the cold she had gotten — but she considered accepting his offer again. She understood that kind of struggle. She does work in the hospital — in Lifesaving no less.

But the sound of the rain grew louder and something hit her bedroom window so suddenly that she remembers what had happened, how she felt, and —

_“I’m so sorry Megumi for being late,” he exclaimed loudly, “they wouldn’t let me go.”_

Aizawa.

Shiraishi understood that work would comes first, she practically lives by that — but there is something different about when you had planned your day around meeting someone. Sure, it may have been an important business deal, but he should have given her a heads-up instead of just telling her a few hours late without explanation that they wouldn’t come — and receiving the actual reason much later than that. It would’ve saved her from humiliation.

How they treat you in the beginning, regardless of where you meet them, is the best they ever will.

Would she like to be treated the same for the rest of her life?

> _No thank you, but I wish you the best of luck._

She immediately gets a response from him within a few seconds from when she replied, which to comes to no surprise felt quite hostile— sarcastic.

> _Are you joking? Well, you’ll be missing out._

Regardless if someone treated you badly, you couldn’t help but think there was something truly wrong with you if you’re spoken to like that. Maybe there was.

But there it was again, the rain making itself known to her. The room darker, the water trying to seep in to her tightly shut windows as if wanting to come to her — you can even hear the wind. As if the rain was angry for her. She gasps at the sudden roar of the thunder, enough that her heart skips a beat— enough that she remembers something else at its next cry.

_“Shiraishi, just because you aren’t actively dating, doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. You don’t need someone to tell you that you’re fine the way you are.”_

She was fine the way she was. The way he responded to her shows that he would disrespect her again and no one deserves that. They both lucked out by not going on that date. Because if they went out, she wouldn’t realise how much she deserved better.

And so, with one swift motion, Shiraishi deletes her account.

Not that she’s giving up on looking for love. That wasn’t it. It was more of her realising that just because she isn’t in love, doesn’t mean she isn’t loved — and that she had been looking for love at the wrong places.

Now that that’s settled, Shiraishi stood up from her bed to start getting ready for work — she immediately falls back into it. Right. She hates it when she’s right sometimes.

She probably needs to call in sick.

* * *

She wakes again to the sound of the wind bustling around her window.

Right, the rain.

She was berated, defeated, and what makes matters worse, she was sick. Truly, nothing good ever came with the rain.

The rain pours again tonight, but something seems different about it.

She could hear the different sounds from the outside — the rain hitting the rooftops, the water flowing from the gutters. The noise wasn’t bothering her, and accompanied by the darkness, it made her feel oddly relaxed. For the first time, the rain didn’t actually make her feel dread like it usually did.

Maybe she should check in on Lifesaving — but she should probably check the weather forecast before everything else. Just how many hours has she been asleep?

Before she could check her phone, she hears the doorbell ring. She wasn’t expecting anyone, especially not in this weather. It took her awhile to get to the door as she felt a little winded from standing up to quickly — but the feeling got a little worse as soon as she realises who she answers the door to.

“Who is it?” she says through the intercom,

“It’s me, Shiraishi.”

* * *

“Remember Kanao-san?” he says as he puts down what he brought with him,

“The one who fell while painting the walls of his house. Yes, of course,”

“He started having agitations a few hours ago,”

“What?”

“He pulled out his IV and his catheter multiple times today. We had to restrain him.”

She knew something would happen, but that was a given working at a hospital. However, the fact that she wasn’t there to help truly frustrated her — especially when it comes to patients under her care.

“Why didn’t they tell me anything about it? I’m his attending physician,” she asks,

“Because I was there,”

Right. Aizawa is his doctor as well. She assumes that’s where he found out that she got sick — but doesn’t answer all her questions.

“Here’s a detailed report I made if you’d like to read it,”he hands her his phone, “I diagnosed him with delirium and suggested frequent neurological checks in case of increased pressure within,”

“You could’ve just e-mailed me about what happened to Kanao-san,”

“I know,”

She wanted to ask why — why did he come all this way but Shiraishi lost her train of thought as Aizawa places his hand on her forehead, checking her temperature. She didn’t have to ask though, because sure enough, Aizawa reveals it willingly to her.

“I was just sure that you haven’t really told anyone about this — on why you’re sick,”

“Aizawa,”

Aizawa has been very kind to her recently. Not that he hasn’t been — well, maybe his words are sometimes a little bit cruel, but only sometimes — but kinder, in a sense. Not that she doesn’t like it either, no. It’s just that Shiraishi doesn’t really seem to know what should she do about it — should she really do something about it is probably the right thing to ask.

“I deleted it,” she brings up casually, “my dating profile,”

“Oh,”

“I don’t feel bad about it, but—” she trails, “but I do worry now, what am I going to tell Akira-san— my classmates? I guess I’ll just tell them that he couldn’t come.”

She notices a change in Aizawa as she said it. He didn’t say anything, but she knew that he was thinking about what she decided to do. It’s not right to lie. She knows. Maybe it was a case of stubbornness. Maybe it was she wanted it to be real, that she had someone like that to rely on and show off. But like as Aizawa would do, he simply nods to signal he understood her choices. But to be frank, she didn’t understand her decisions on this as well.

“Let me use your kitchen for a bit,” he requests,“I’ll make something for you to eat,”

Aizawa didn’t elaborate further, he just simply brings her back to her bedroom, tucking her in and immediately exits the room — starting to make her something to eat as she needed some sustenance before consuming the medication he brought along with him. He didn’t have to, since Shiraishi had a well-stocked first aid kit lying around. The sound of the kitchen tap snaps her out of her daze, all the while realising she still had Aizawa’s phone in hand.

“Ah,”

She uses the waiting time to read through his report. A lot went down today on this one patient that she couldn’t help but beat herself up for not being able to help due to her sickness.

_Stupid cold. Stupid rain._

But as she read on, she was already thinking about multiple treatments to prescribe — only to see that Aizawa already seemed to think of the same thing moving forward with his report. Though prioritising a Neurological perspective on it, he also consulted with psychiatry and did multiple examinations before coming to his diagnosis. She realises immediately that she didn’t have to worry for they had it under control — at least Aizawa had it under control. His recommendations for Kanao-san were something that she would do, maybe even better.

Before she could finish the entire report, Aizawa’s phone starts to vibrate, as if someone was calling — a someone who she met long ago.

> _Grandma is calling…_

Should she answer it? No, that would be invading Aizawa’s privacy. But it’s Kinue-san, it might be important. She goes through a multitude of reasonings but ultimately, she does answer the call.

“Kosaku?”

“Hello Kinue-san,” Shiraishi says nervously,

“You’re not Kosaku,”

“Uhh,” she says, not really sure how to respond to that,

“May I ask who am I talking to?”

Kinue-san’s voice felt a little bit worried, if she was being honest. Maybe she shouldn’t have answered the call.

“My name is Megumi Shiraishi,” she reveals, “Kosaku-san isn’t here at the moment — should I go and get him for you?”

_Kosaku-san? Really?_

“No, No,” Kinue-san replies, her tone a little bit lighter — which eases Shiraishi a little bit, “say Megumi-chan? Can I call you that?”

“Yes, what is it?”

“Megumi-chan, why do you have my grandson’s phone?”

“Oh, he left it with me. He’s at my kitchen preparing food beca—”

Before she could finish her sentence, Aizawa peers into the room with a bunch of vegetables in hand.

“Can I use these? I just thought you’d need the extra nu—”

_Oh no._

Shiraishi chokes at the realisation that Aizawa probably stopped speaking because he realises he was talking to someone on his phone. She started coughing uncontrollably that Aizawa immediately rushes to her — rubbing her back as she slowly came back to her senses.

_Oh no, the phone._

“Kinue-san,” she says as she grabs on to the phone as she realises, “are you still there?”

“You were talking to my grandmother?” Aizawa asks,

Shiraishi doesn’t let her phone leave her ear but simply nods her head and looks at Aizawa apologetically. She hands over the phone to him, to which he puts on speaker to let her hear the conversation he’s about to have with his grandma. He didn’t have to, she thought — but he probably knew she was going to ask about it anyway and was just saving time for the both of them.

“Grandma,” Aizawa calls out,

“Kosaku,” Kinue-san replies, “Is Megumi-chan alright?”

“She’s fine grandma, she’s just has a cold,”

“So this is why you asked for the recipe that I used to make you when you were sick,”

With the way Aizawa looks as she said those words, Shiraishi realises that grandmas really know how to make their grandchildren feel like kids — even if they’re way beyond that age.

“Anyway,” Aizawa brushes the topic aside, “why did you call grandma? Is there something wrong?”

“Oh no. No. Nothing’s wrong Kosaku. I thought that you were the one who was sick when you asked for it — but it was actually your girlfriend that was.”

_Girlfriend?_ Shiraishi and Aizawa looked at each other in horror as to what they just heard. They weren’t saying a word to each other, but if eyes would speak, they were throwing apologies at each other for his grandmother’s assumption.

“Isn’t that nice, Kosaku? You finally found someone you like. I could finally be at ease knowing that you have someone like her.”

“Grandma,”

“Can I meet her?” Kinue-san asks,

“Grandma, she’s—”

She knew Aizawa was going to reveal to her the truth but something in Shiraishi told her to intervene— she places her hand on his mouth to stop him. She knew what she was about to do was downright ridiculous but she does it anyway.

“It’s okay,” she whispers,

“Kosaku, is that Megumi-chan?” Kinue-san’s voice, “Can you ask her? Will she come when she gets better?”

“Kinue-san,” she replies instead, “Of course, I’d love to.”

“Oh Megumi-chan, really?”

“Kosaku-san and I would come to see you as soon as I get better.”

“Oh, right. Right, sorry Megumi-chan, you’re sick,” she responds, “I’m really looking forward to it. So, hurry up and get well so I can see you soon. Now, can you give back the phone to my grandson now so I can tell him the right way to make your food?”

He sighs and takes the phone from her. Aizawa then stands from where he sat, taking the phone with him, along with the vegetables that he brought— the while gesturing to her to stay in bed.

_You’ve really done something stupid now, Megumi._

It took awhile for him to get back from the kitchen, but when he did Aizawa enters the room looking defeated. However, the aroma of what he brings into the room circulated it that Shiraishi for a moment forgot what they got themselves into.

He then places the tray in front of her, presenting his grandmother’s soup. The soup that she used to give him when he was sick. The soup that he asked about for her. The soup that sort of got them into this mess. But as soon as she took her first sip, she thinks that it might have been worth it. She continues on to eat her meal to which she heard him sigh of relief. When she looked up to him, he looks at her with a calmness that made her illness alleviate even it was just for a moment.

“Thank you for the soup,” she expresses,

“It’s nothing,”

“I’m sorry for being a bother,”

“You aren’t,”

“I mean there was what happened yesterday — to which I hurt you by saying those words. Then tonight, you’re here taking care of me because I got sick. Then now we’re stuck with your grandma thinking we’re together and I—”

“Shiraishi, I said it’s fine,”

“I don’t like the idea of lying to your grandma,”

“Do you think I do?”

“No, but when she said girlfriend, she sounded so happy.”

“I know,”

“I didn’t want to break it to her. I couldn’t help it.”

“I know,”

She didn’t know what else to say, or how to explain why she did it, so she sighs and gives him a pat in the back for comfort.Aizawa doesn’t say anything else, his hands return to fidgeting — as if thinking. She couldn’t blame Aizawa, the information would be too much to process — even for someone like him.

Then, Shirashi hears something a little unexpected.

“You know,” he divulges, “grandma doesn’t have a lot of time left. Not that she’s sick now, she’s perfectly fine — but you get what I mean.”

He confides in her that though Kinue-san never wanted anything from him, but one of the few things that his grandma truly wanted was to see him happily married, even the idea that he had a girlfriend would be enough for her. He hates the fact that he couldn’t give that to her, because it was something that he couldn’t take lightly. As he expresses those words, she has never seen someone who has been cut so deeply.

Kinue-san was the only person Aizawa considers as family. So to not be able to give her the assurance that he’ll find someone, is something Aizawa would find quite difficult to bare.

“So I understand, Shiraishi — about your reunion,” he closes his revelation, “I understand. But you didn’t have to do that,”

She understands him as well. Aizawa wasn’t the type to go along with a lie, especially a lie like this. Which is why she was the one who offered out of the blue — and she’s going to make sure that Kinue-san will have her peace.

“Hey Kosaku-san,” she says as she continues her meal, “are you allergic to anything?”

“No,”

“Do you prefer sweets or do you look for something salty when you feel like snacking on something?”

“Why are you asking me these all of a sudden?”

“Well, we might as well be convincing,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know, i already know i'm a clown.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Medical stuff I placed here:
> 
> _olanzapine_ \- it's a treatment mainly for bipolar disorder or schizophrenia,  
>  _haloperidol_ \- antipsychotic treatment  
>  _Wernicke’s aphasia_ \- aphasia in itself is the inability to produce speech due to brain damage, but this kind of aphasia deals with the inability to register and use most nouns and verbs - they can talk, but most of the things they say doesn't make any sense.

_“Do you have a limit as to how we’d do this?” Shiraishi asked,_

_“Only if you do,” Aizawa said as he was grating some of the apple,_

_As soon at it was established that they were going to pretend to date, Shiraishi has been racking her brain on how to pull this off — asking Aizawa questions from left to right, ignoring the fact that she’s still sick. Frankly, she may have even forgot._

_“Are you sure? How about when we’re in Shohoku? Will we extend our arrangement there?”_

_“You should be resting, you know?”_

_“Should I be addressing you by your first name now? Are you okay with that? I’m okay with you calling me Megumi. Oh, how should I address your grandma?”_

_“Shiraishi,” he stopped his movements,_

_“Oh, so we don’t change that — I got you. But how about touching you? How should I greet you now? Should I—”_

_“Megumi,” he sighed,_

_The sound of her name escaping his lips in a whisper was enough to silence her. She has heard him address her like this before, but for some reason, whenever she hears it evokes a different feeling every time. This time though, it silenced her enough to bring back a coughing fit._

_“Megumi,” he says calmly, rubbing her back as she slowly recovered, “You don’t have to bring this arrangement to work. It will probably be too bothersome, especially considering that they might ask about how it happened — and that’s too much to think about right now. You can call me by my first name, whether it be at work or outside of it, it doesn’t really matter to me as long as you’re comfortable saying it. I could say the same for touching.”_

_“Kosaku,” she said out loud— but only to have a feel of it,_

_It was different, to say the least — to say his name. She did not know the extent of their closeness then. Maybe even now. So despite him saying that it was alright, she was hesitant. Shiraishi didn’t really know what to with it._

_“With grandma,” he interjected, “You’ll have to ask her about that. Now, will you lie down? You really have to rest,”_

_As he tucked her in her bed, checking her temperature one last time, Shiraishi observed his movements curiously. He was so gentle in his movements._

_“Wait,” he continued his statement, “I think I do have a limit to this,”_

_“What is that?”_

_“If you get too overwhelmed, you can always change your mind,”_

_“I could say the same for you,” she agreed,_

* * *

“Is this necessary?” Aizawa asks her,

“Not really,” Shiraishi replies, “but it does give us an idea — we haven’t dated someone in a long time, so we can’t really say anything about it.”

The moment she recovers from her illness, she calls up Aizawa to set up a date. Not necessarily the conventional _let’s have dinner by the candlelight and look into each other’s eyes_ type — no, not like that at all. It was more her inviting him over to get to know him, to learn how would they act as a duo—as if she hasn’t known him for years. During their conversation, she finds out that they haven’t been in relationships for quite awhile. With that in mind, she invites him over to watch a popular drama she heard Mary Jane talk about. She’s well aware that she’s overthinking this and the fact that dramas tend to be exaggerated and not quite close to reality, but it seemed necessary.

Plots though sometimes end up being borderline ridiculous, romances in dramas give an idea on what people want to see, what people hope for in a relationship. That’s what brings people in. That’s why people end up rooting for the characters to end up together. Everyone loves to love — the idea of love. Dramas tend to be the best way to learn about how complex relationships are — it’s more of the textbook, a reference if you will.

“What an idiot,” Aizawa comments,

“Well,” she says as she closes the laptop, “that’s love for you.”

“The other man’s much more suited for her and you can tell he really loves her,”

“I know,”

“But she goes back to her ex, which is stupid,”

“Yup,”

“Didn’t he leave her? What makes her think he won’t do it again? What an idiot.”

Shiraishi couldn’t help but laugh at him. For someone who was so reluctant, Aizawa seems to be more invested in this than he let on.

“What?”

“Well, do you want to continue on watching the rest? We have work tomorrow though,”

“Best not,” he sighs, “you have an early morning shift right?”

“Yes,”

“Well, we can just continue tomorrow then, ”

When it came to work, it was decided it was best that they didn’t extend their situation at the hospital. It wasn’t really necessary and they assumed it would disrupt their workflow from the constant teasing and gossip from their colleagues. It doesn’t help that one of their closest friends is a well known gossip.

“You should up his dosage of his olanzapine,” Aizawa suggests, “we can taper it in the next few days,”

“Maybe except the haloperidol,” she adds,

“I agree on that,”

The arrangement when they were at work was easy, since nothing really changed apart from the fact that they’ve been hanging out at each other’s place watching almost until morning— and their agreement, of course.

“Should I know anything else?” Shiraishi asks as she exits the HCU with Aizawa in tow,

“Well, up until where did you finish?”

“I only read yesterday’s,”

“Then, before you arrived this morning, I checked on him when I arrived and it seems that Kanao-san seems to be suffering from Wernicke’s aphasia. However, he could recognise a few things — like where he’s admitted to,”

“So he knows where he is despite that?”

“Yup, it’s pretty interesting case,”

“Is there anything else?”

“Grandma called already and asked for you,”

“Oh,”

“She told me to bring you with me on Friday, unless you’re unavailable,”

“No, that’s fine, I can have someone cover for me,”

“Alright, I’ll let her know,”

“Is that all?”

“No actually,”

“What is it?”

“Megumi, have you eaten yet?” he asks,

There was this one time during the week that they agreed to have lunch together, to which Fujikawa noticed that they ate at the same table, but luckily Saejima scared him straight, making him forget the whole ordeal. Shiraishi only ended up eating half her meal— heli duties and all. But Aizawa had asked for the rest of her meal to be packed up for her to finish later, which he left on her desk at the Lifesaving office at the end of his break— to which Shiraishi appreciated after a long day.

“Thanks for packing up my lunch earlier,” Shiraishi says as he enters her house, “you even ended up buying me a new bottle of tea — you didn’t have to, really,”

He shakes his head as he takes off his coat, it was raining hard outside.

“It’s really raining hard tonight,” he says,

“Right,” Shiraishi sighs, staring at the rainfall as she closes her front door, “let’s get started then. Do you remember much from the last time? We didn’t get to do this for a few days.”

It was a few days since they started it, but only got round to watching the rest. They’re more comfortable around each other now —unconsciously passing snacks to each other without removing their eyes off the screen. They’re not even really aware that they’re sitting quite close, the fabrics of their clothes slightly touching from their movements. As they close to the end of the drama, there’s the big kiss—the kiss that neatly ties everything together.

“What if they make us kiss?” she whispers, not exactly knowing that she was thinking aloud,

“Then kiss me,” he replies nonchalantly,

“What?” she jumps from her seat, realising he had heard her,

“Were you thinking aloud again?” he asks, his eyes still locked on the screen, “You tend to do that quite often, you know?”

_Why did I have to say that aloud? Megumi, you idiot._

“Well, at least she came to her senses” he remarks, as the credits rolled in,

“Right,” she replies, which was all she could muster as she hasn’t recovered from her mishap quite yet.

“Megumi,”

“Hm?”

“I meant what I said earlier,” he says as he stands up, taking the empty bottles with him,

“Huh?”

Aizawa puts back the bottles and sits right next to her again. 

“If they ask you to kiss me, then kiss me,” he pats her thigh in small movements, “don’t worry about it too much.”

Shiraishi hasn’t quite recovered yet from what she had said earlier, but the fact that Aizawa is calm and assures her leaves her stunned — the colour on her face intensifying.

“Megumi,” he says softly, bringing her back to earth, “it’s okay if you don’t want to do this. You’re clearly uncomfortable with the idea,”

“Ai—Kosaku,”

“It’s alright, really,”

He didn’t say anything else butcontinues to do the gesture in their silence. Shiraishi wanted to say something, but at the moment, she just could not speak.

“I have an operation tomorrow morning, so I’m leaving. Good night, Megumi.”

“W—what about Friday?”

“You don’t have to come with me. I’m still going,”

“But—”

“I can deal with my grandmother. It’s okay, Megumi —really, I did tell you that if it gets overwhelming, you can change your mind,”

There is a sincerity every time Aizawa would say something to her, but this time she caught on to something different. The thing about hanging out with someone more is that you tend to notice their mannerisms. Aizawa does not look at her when he says his first statement— which Shiraishi understands that he is lying to her.

Not lying in a sense of negativity, not in the slightest. She thinks that Aizawa doesn’t know how he would deal with his grandma, but is willing to just carry that on his own. If she really thought about it, Aizawa was truly a bad liar. She just didn’t notice sooner because he often just says what he wants, he did not feel the need to lie.

“Don’t worry,” he says as he leaves the room, “we can still watch the special when I come back from the nursing home,”

When she hears her front door close, it wasn’t the silence that bothered her. It was the sound of the heavy rainfall outside. The rain fall that Aizawa is braving to get through when he could’ve stayed until it calmed — but he didn’t. He would’ve, she knew this, but she just had to be tactless and made things awkward. She could’ve done something, but in the end, she couldn’t do anything — she couldn’t do anything for him.

_Nothing good comes with the rain._

* * *

He wonders why he agreed to it in the first place. It was clearly a stupid idea. It was never going to work. But as he walked around the station, waiting for his bus to arrive — he realises that he only agreed to the arrangement by a one, sole factor.

Megumi Shiraishi.

Maybe it was because he had known Shiraishi for a long time, but even then he felt different when it came to her. What was initially a worthy rival for a little healthy competition became a camaraderie he hasn’t had with anyone before. She was just someone he felt comfortable talking to, about anything. She was the only one. She was the very definition of a friend, a good one at that. He didn’t have a lot of those, so he couldn’t help but try to be available to lend a helping hand when they needed it.

So to see her that night, to see her face looking overwhelmed — he couldn’t help but be doubtful of the arrangement, despite being her idea in the first place. He knew Shiraishi. She wasn’t the type to back down a lost cause unless someone snaps her back into reality.

_The rain comes again, I see._

Aizawa hears the start of the rainfall as he was coming closer to his designated area. He listens as it hits the rooftops and as the overpour made itself known, a sense of calm enveloped him.

Aizawa liked the rain, he always did. The rain always has its purpose. It helps the trees, the plants grow. The air would cool down and soothe him — breathing became a little bit easier. It was peaceful. It was different. But ultimately, Aizawa simply associated the rain with comfort.

_I’ll think of something, I always do._

He then thinks about Shiraishi as he took a breath, as if he was whispering her name. He was truly grateful for her, even if they didn’t see this arrangement push through. He enjoyed learning things about her that he never really knew. He never thought he’d enjoy watching dramas, but arguably, it’s probably because she’d make offhand comments whenever the characters did something overly dramatic. With the little time they had _together_ , even if it wasn’t really conventional or the slightest bit romantic, Aizawa thought it was nice to have someone like that.

As he turns around to fall in line, someone grabs him by the shoulder, as if leaning for support.

“Shiraishi,” he blurts out,

“That’s Megumi to you,” she says as she catches her breath,

“What are you doing here?”

“Why I have to meet my boyfriend’s grandmother, of course,” she links their arms together, “he just so happened to forget to pick me up this morning so I had to catch a taxi to get here on time.”

While Shiraishi brushes off the little droplets caught on her coat, Aizawa realises that she looked different. It’s not that she was soaked, she wasn’t—but it looked like she forgot to bring an umbrella again. Her hair looked slightly unkempt, but he feels like it was made to be that way — the way the little hairs that weren’t tied up curled as if framing her face. She dressed effortlessly but at the same time it didn’t look like it either.

This, he realises, is the girlfriend that you bring home to meet your grandma — at least in Shiraishi’s perspective. She still wanted to do this.

He was a bad liar. She was tactless. Both of them haven’t had a relationship in years. They were workaholics and seldom together. Yet, when the instances came about — it sort of made sense. They sort of made sense.

It might just work.

“Come on, Kosaku. We’d hate to make your grandmother wait, yes?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi, i'm still being tediously interviewed at this moment, but so far i've been making good progress. thank you for your thoughts and prayers they truly mean so much to me and i hope you continue thinking of me during this time. there's still a long way to go but i'm very hopeful and working hard to prepare for the next trials.
> 
> well, that's all really. hope you like this update! leave me something to read, yes? lol
> 
> hope you're having a good weekend!


	7. Chapter 7

_“I thought of you,” she said, “that’s why I came,”_

Aizawa focuses on the raindrops forming on the windows. The splatter of rainfall slowly painting itself in uneven lines as the bus went on its route.There’s no sign of it stopping any soon but he doesn’t mind it at all. An unwelcome bump in the road causes him to glance to his sleeping companion, who by the looks of it, was clearly unbothered by it all.

_Does she usually sleep this heavily?_

Shiraishi was still asleep beside him, her head lolling back and forth from the movement of the bus. He could’ve probably laughed at the sight, but he still couldn’t believe it really, that she’s here beside him, willingly going through this — whatever this is.

Shiraishi. He tries to carefully consider why would she do all of this for him. Was it just because she’s too nice to say no? Was it boredom?. Was there actually an answer to it all? He wasn’t sure but he came to one anyway.

At the next hump in the road, he moves her head gently to rest on his shoulder, trying his best not to wake her—he clearly had no heart to do so, but wanted her to be more comfortable. He justifies that she’d probably get an ache at this point, might as well try to prevent it. Shiraishi does not wake at the gesture, yet unconsciously entangles herself on his arm, leaning into him.

Perhaps it’s just assumption, but as she sleeps soundly right next to him tells him that it was the right one.

_I trust you too._

* * *

“Shiraishi,” Aizawa utters,

“Megumi,” she says groggily— merely half-awake,

“Megumi,” he repeats, “we’re almost at our stop,”

As she came to her senses, Shiraishi realises that she had fallen asleep. It would’ve been fine to rest, she didn’t get any last night trying to think of what to do. What wasn’t fine is that she had fallen asleep wrapping her arm around his as she did.

“Aizawa,”

“Kosaku,” he corrects,

“Kosaku — right,” she says as she releases her hold on him, “sorry about that, is your arm numb? Were you uncomfortable?”

Aizawa shakes his head in his response to Shiraishi sighs in relief. But the relief was only temporary as she realises the thousand of things she could have done while asleep. Was she snoring loudly? Does she even snore? She was about to scold herself again when the sound of Aizawa’s voice slowly brought her back to reality.

“You forgot an umbrella again, did you?” Aizawa smirks, “I could see it in your face,”

Right, there was the umbrella too. Shiraishi’s inner turmoil couldn’t get any worse. For someone so meticulous with everything, for the first time in awhile she feels so unprepared — and she doesn’t really need to prepare for anything if she thinks about it. Well, maybe just a little bit.

The bus arrives and he goes down first, naturally, as he’s the only one with the umbrella. When he gets down, he reaches out his hand and helps her out the bus.

“It’s a little further, I’m sorry,” he says, “we’ll have to go through town before we get there,”

They were walking into the town when Aizawa would point out all the nice places to eat around the area as they went along, which surprises Shiraishi that he even knew. A little bit further into the conversation, he also reveals that he only knew them through his grandmother, who enjoys eating out with him whenever he could come to visit. Aizawa wasn’t a native in this area, after all so he couldn’t really elaborate, but he did try — to which she appreciates.

But all Shiraishi could think about is that Aizawa still has a hold on her. Walking hand in hand with no reason to letting go anytime soon. Maybe he’s not aware that they’re still holding hands, but she doubts that. However, she doesn’t mind. She admits to herself it’s quite nice, actually.

“Wait,” Shiraishi stops in her tracks,

“What’s wrong?”

She stops at the storefront of a small bakery, the warm lights slowly drawing her in. It had an assortment of breads, cakes, and different kinds of biscuits on display, but what caught her eye was the worker in by the store window. Not because they were attractive — well maybe, but that’s not what she was focusing on. The worker was bringing out freshly baked rolls of bread out of their oven — the scent slowly made its way to her after a brief moment.

“I just want to get those for your grandma,”

* * *

Aizawa and Shiraishi both take a deep breath as they reached the entrance of the nursing home. They walked slowly and in hand, —as if rehearsing.

When he was about to knock on his grandmother’s door, Shiraishi stops him. Before he could ask why, she simply just exhales and shimmies in place, as if releasing tension. It was such a random thing to do, ridiculous even — but it really eased the tension he felt reverberated all around his body. He’s grateful for it so much so that he’s trying his best not to smile, to laugh at what she just did — but it’s clearly failing.

“Well, what are you waiting for?” she asks,

“You,” he replies— finally succumbing to a smile,

“Stop looking at me like that,” she says— slapping his shoulders in a retaliating yet playful manner, “let’s get this over with already,”

He takes one more look at her apologetically, taking a deep breath before he could finally knock on the door.

They were greeted by Kinue-san warmly as soon as she opened the door, but before Aizawa could even respond or reintroduce Shiraishi like they had planned to do, his grandmother whisks her away to meet the other elders in the home.

Apparently, Kinue-san told them all about her grandson’s girlfriend and she just couldn’t wait to show her off. Shiraishi greeted them all with kindness and enthusiasm as she always did, even if the elders started to gather around her and proceeded to bombard her with a lot of questions. She answered each and every one of them with no qualms — it was a good idea for them to stop by at that bakery earlier, since this was apparently his grandma’s agenda. Luckily, they bought enough to share. He couldn’t couldn’t help but be embarrassed by his grandmother’s antics but Aizawa thought it was remarkable of Shiraishi to do this, especially since this was all pretend.

At some point in this time, their eyes meet amidst the chaos of these old souls learning of new love— if you could call it that. New love. Perhaps, it’s a different kind. They slowly break into the smallest smiles, enough for the other to see— just a moment. The smiles that show how much disbelief — the _I can’t believe this is happening_ kind.

Even if there was a lot of people with her—looking at her, she felt like she wasn’t even there. She felt like she was a spectator to her own self because of her own awareness of Aizawa’s presence close to her, giving her apologetic looks from time to time — sympathetic. This was another side of Aizawa that she’s seeing. It was refreshing for Shiraishi to see him like this, to say the least.

“Megumi-chan, what do you like about my grandson?”

It was later in the day and they were simply having tea with his grandma when she asked this question. How could they overlook the simplest, most basic question every couple should have an answer to? Shiraishi pales in the face as the question looms within her— she almost dropped her cup even.

Aizawa knew she was beating herself up again. Even if it isn’t that obvious just by looking at her — he just knew. It was one of the few things he picked up over the years. It was an easy question on the surface, but he thinks that isn’t the case when it comes to relationships. Especially if you’re giving an answer to someone who you’re trying to convince that the both of you are madly in love and that they don’t have to worry. It was the case with his grandma and he knows Shiraishi wants to give an answer that will satisfy her.

He was about to say something to put it off when Shiraishi lifts her head again in what seemed like a long time— but in reality was just a few seconds. She glances at the windows before answering with a conviction.

“He’s like the rain,”

* * *

“Thanks for walking me home,”

“I should just really bring another umbrella every time I’m with you,”

“You could,” she jokes, “but aren’t we more convincing if you didn’t?”

It’s already dark outside when Aizawa’s grandmother allowed them to go home, to which the both of them didn’t mind at all. When they reached the bus station, it had just registered in them what they had just done. Suddenly, the both of them just break into smiles that slowly turned into fits of laughter. They couldn’t believe that they actually did that. Whatever that was, they survived it.

The ride home was the opposite, the upbeat feeling was replaced by exhaustion and a little bit of the bewilderment that was leftover. They sat beside each other in silence, it was probably the longest they’ve gone without conversing with each other all day, but it wasn’t awkward. Shiraishi had fallen asleep again midway and Aizawa took more time to look at her than he did the last time that they were on the bus.

And now here they were, walking together under his umbrella — again. On Aizawa’s insistence, he walked her home, but Shiraishi didn’t need much convincing this time.

“So you don’t like me then?” Aizawa asks,

“Huh?”

“You said I was like the rain,” he elaborates, “I thought you didn’t like the rain,”

“Oh, I don’t. I don’t like the rain.” she answers, “But Kosaku, when I said that you’re like the rain, is something that felt true. I don’t _not_ like you— do you think I would agree to this kind of arrangement if I didn’t?”

“I don’t think so,”

“You see? Honestly, it was just the first thing on my mind when she asked. When I said it aloud, it felt like it made sense. Luckily, your grandma thought the same.”

“I see,”

Why did she answer the rain? There were a lot of possible answers running through her mind, but there was a moment where she just looked at the window and she just — knew.

The rain. Aizawa was like the rain. She didn’t like the rain. Nothing good ever came out of the rain — but Aizawa wasn’t like that. In a general sense, Aizawa was good, great even. So why the rain?

_Does nothing really good come out of the rain?_

She stops in her tracks, prompting Aizawa to do the same — adjusting the umbrella to where she stood. With the ideas that used to be truthful are now half-truths, she’s been disillusioned in a way now.

“I guess now that I think about it, you’re quite like the rain,”

“And why is that?”

“I don’t understand you quite yet. I don’t get you, Kosaku.”

“Well then,” he says after awhile, “then you should learn how to get it,”

Unexpectedly, Aizawa grabs one of her shoulders and pushes her into the rain. He did not know why he did that, if he was being honest. It may have been the child in him. He was bracing himself for Shiraishi to go off at any moment, being thrown at the thing he knew she clearly disliked — but she doesn’t. The annoyance in her face suddenly disappears. It was different now, he didn’t know how to describe it other than that. It was different. When he looks at her again, he sees her with her eyes looking above. It seems more prominent now as Aizawa looks at her from the paleness of the streetlights. Then for a moment, even with her eyes closed and slightly drenched from the rainfall — he thought Shiraishi looked beautiful. Not that he didn’t think so before, he did. He always thought she was beautiful. However in this moment, he did not know why his heart was racing at the fact.

“I’m starting to,” she says,

He thought then maybe it has been awhile since someone gave Shiraishi a push.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did you miss me?
> 
> hi there, honestly, i didn't want to post the update yet since i put this fic on a wager (i have an ongoing deal on twitter that if user aishiraburu doesn't publish a fic at a given time, i'd delete this— and you guys know i'm quite serious when it comes to those things), but with everything that has been going on in the world, i thought that this would help with my own sanity. i sincerely hope it does the same for you, one way or another.
> 
> due to the pandemic, surely like myself, there are things in your life that has been put on an indefinite hold and the slow realisation and acceptance of the fact is honestly making me want to cry— but i'll get over it. i hope that you can make it through as well. i am very fortunate enough that i have the luxury to stay at home, but there are a lot of people who couldn't do the same. i am thinking of those people often. those people who still have to go out every day, risking their health— their families health, because they need to and or because they have no choice. i wish people would also think about them during trying times like this. i wish people would stop complaining about their own inconveniences when some of them have the privilege to do nothing but stay at home.
> 
> with that being said, if you have the privilege to stay at home, please just do so for the sake of other people. if you have the capacity to, find channels in your home country wherein you can donate to help these causes. during this trying time, i think what people need now is empathy and compassion. we're slowly forgetting that fact due to our own panic and survival instincts.
> 
> well, i hope you're all doing okay. keep safe, healthy, and keep the hope you have for the world— never lose that.


	8. Chapter 8

“Do you believe in soulmates?” Shiraishi asks,

“No I don’t,” he replies as he scrolls down a page on the tablet, “do you?”

“I do. Why don’t you?”

“You’re going to try to convince me despite that anyway, so just tell me already.”

Aizawa and Shiraishi started to spend a lot of time together— and it wasn’t used for their arrangement. Maybe it would come up in conversations whenever Aizawa would mention something his grandma said to tell her or about her — but it was mostly just because they happened to like each other’s company. Even if they usually did their own thing and basically ignore each other when you looked at it from afar.

They were learning a lot from each other, about the world around them, about each other — and they would let each other be subjected to the random information the other was about to spew.

She was about to relay something she realised while watching a film on her laptop, when all of a sudden, she gasps from the unexpected vibration of her phone before she could — and forgotten it all together.

“Ah,”

“What is it?”

It was an e-mail, an e-mail which she thought would never come— at least for awhile. She already knew about it sooner, but she doesn’t know why it made her a little bit uneasy when she read it. When Shiraishi did not move from her place, Aizawa moved curiously to where she was to see what caused her to freeze.

_“When’s your high school reunion?” he asked as he dropped her off at the front of her apartment complex,_

_“I don’t know yet, why’d you ask?”_

_“I thought you needed your boyfriend to come to that,”_

_“So you’re my boyfriend now?” she said teasingly,_

_He doesn’t reply but a shrug of his shoulders as if humouring her before he went off into the night._

Shiraishi realises that he was standing right next to her, when a hint of his breath reaches her neck. She looks back at him to see him scanning the phone’s content so she hands it over for him to have a better look.

“The place is rather nice,” Aizawa says—trying to bring her back,

As he scans curiously the digital brochure attached, she already knew that he was willing to come with her. She knew that. It was already a clear indication. She knew that he would laugh at her for even asking— but she still would, just in case.

“You told me you’d come right?” she shyly reconfirms,

“Do I get bonus points if I act like I care?” Aizawa replies jokingly, not looking away from the screen,

It surprises her. It surprises her still. She never thought that she’d be on receiving end of Aizawa’s jokes. She didn’t even know that he could joke around — that even he could be like this too. She liked it of course, seeing this side of him. Shiraishi thought that it confirms that they were, in the truest sense of the word, friends— maybe it even has the potential to the best.

* * *

“You came too ea—”

Shiraishi forgets what to say when she opens the door. She has always known what Aizawa has looked like, both in and out of the hospital. However, tonight — tonight was different. She could recognise the nervousness in him, but he made up for it by dressing up nicely — for that she couldn’t help but be grateful, if she wasn’t saying that enough already.

“You came too early,” she repeats, “I’m still not done getting ready, actually. Hey—Hey Kosaku, do I look alright to you?”

Aizawa stands there as if he was stunned, with the exception of smoothing his hair down if we’re going on specifics. He looks away while he does this, which to Shiraishi felt like it was a bad thing even if he was probably just thinking of the right thing to say.

“There’s something wrong, is there?” she pouts, “Maybe the green dress would be better— yes. Kosaku, can you wait? I’ll just cha—“

He grabs her hand before she could storm off to her bedroom— even before she could finish her sentence, actually.

“Don’t worry about that,” he smiles at her, “I think for tonight, you should focus on a beauty other than your own.”

Shiraishi chuckles self-depreciatingly to hide her embarassment— even turning away from him to hide the fact that she was blushing profusely as she realises what he had said. But when she glances at him again, she realises he stiffened. She was going to ask but when he pulled out his phone from his pockets, she already knew what was going on. He didn’t even have to say anything, but he was different now, so he does anyway.

“That was Shinkai,” he mentions as he drops the call,

“Oh,”

“There’s an emergency with one of our patients,”

“I already had a feeling,”

“I’m sorry,”

“Don’t be,” she says shrugging helplessly, “go.”

“What about the re—”

“What about it?” she’s growing frustrated now, “Go already. I’ll be fine.”

What happens next is something that bewildered even herself, but Shiraishi leans forward and gives him a peck on the cheek like it was what they usually had done. Maybe she was just watching too many western dramas— maybe too much.

“Go,” she repeats,

The gesture stops Aizawa stops him for a moment, a little bit overcome but he recovers and quickly takes his leave, to which Shiraishi watches up until the elevator took him away.

She likes him like that, the way he would really drop anything to save a patient’s life— but he hesitated just now. He hesitated for a moment, but only to apologise, which made her like him a little bit more. He’s more human now, she thought to herself. Then, those thoughts about Aizawa just went by so quickly when she realises her current predicament and she loses a little bit of colour in her eyes — not that she regrets letting him go, but more of her own nerves snuck back to make themselves known again.

_What about the reunion?_

She reaches the small hall where they would hold the reunion after double checking what she looked like in her mirror — alright, triple checking. However, at the third time, she stopped checking midway and remembered what Aizawa had told her and went on her way. The hall was beautifully decorated, as expected from Akira-san.

A lot of her classmates haven’t arrived yet by the looks of it. To be fair though, she was always quite early to things. She immediately exchanged pleasantries with the hostess, those who were there, and had arrived soon after — having a drink in between each topic. It wasn’t bad, she was actually enjoying herself for a change as the party starts to liven up as the more people started to arrive —and no one question her lack of date, not one, which relived her. Aizawa was right before to say that they’d just be happy to see her even if it was just her.

She becomes slightly distracted as she notices someone staring at her, smiling, a little bit away from where she stood. When he actually approaches after awhile is when she realises who it was.

“Megumi-san,” he says, “it’s been awhile,”

Karaku Kawamoto was what you’d expect when you talk about a son from a distinguished and affluent family. He was a son of a real estate magnate, after all. He was handsome, he was charming, and he was what you’d expect Shiraishi would have end up with. For awhile, Shiraishi even thought the same thing.

_“Megumi Shiraishi,”_

_Kawamoto stood in front of her one lunchtime as she was alone, watching others play across the fields._

_“I know I’ve said this a couple of times already, but I will never tire of saying it,”_

_Shiraishi believed him truthful as he expressed those words to her. If she’s counting right, this would be the fourth — no, fifth. The fourth was when he went to her classroom one morning delivering a huge bouquet of roses before the teacher arrived. So this is the fifth time. There was no theatricals this time. No awaiting crowds to see him get rejected again. This time, he finally caught up and came up with a simpler approach. It was just him, standing in front of her, simply declaring his affections._

_“I like you, I really do—Please go out with me,”_

_She didn’t want to reject him really. What wasn’t there to like about him? He was handsome, he was popular — he wasn’t shy about his feelings for her. It was very cliché but she just wasn’t interested in a relationship. So it wasn’t his fault really. But to see him bounce back after every single attempt, she couldn’t help but consider. As he asked her this time, she stopped thinking so much because maybe — maybe it was time to give love a shot._

_“Yes,”_

It had been a long time since they have broken up and they were quite young, so Shiraishi was all the more forgiving and engaged pleasantries and conversations with her former boyfriend. It was enjoyable and continuous, like they were transported back in time. However, when the conversation went on relationships and he found out that she was still unmarried, is where it turned sour.

The longer they talked, the faster she realises how entitled this person was— and the no-hard-feelings mantra she had became feelings of anger and disgust. He tells her that she was the perfect girl— he did date her, he stresses. She just needed to tone herself down to be more approachable, because apparently no one wanted someone too smart or too ambitious — it would just be too overwhelming.

She wanted to defend herself at this point. How even after all these years, he was still the same arrogant bastard telling her what to do? She wanted to slap him so hard that he would feel all the hurt she had felt when they were younger — but as he expressed another statement, she remembers again of their past and she just couldn’t. She just couldn’t.

_“Karaku-kun,” she said,_

_Shiraishi was walking home after a council meeting when she saw Kawamoto sharing an umbrella with someone else— a girl the same age as her. She couldn’t make out the girl’s face but she noticed she was wearing a different uniform. She thought it was perhaps his sister, who studied in a different school — that must have been it. She never met his sister yet, she further justified to herself. Surely he would never do that to her. Everyone knew that they were going out anyway. But her unwavering trust in her boyfriend suddenly breaks as he sees him hold her close. At first she denied the possibility, she was simply too far. But then he kissed her. He kissed another girlfriend other than his own that wasn’t too far enough to justify that she was seeing things. She saw it and it shattered her—causing her own umbrella to fall into the ground to which she doesn’t pick up._

_A few days later, Kawamoto broke up with her over the phone. He didn’t give any other reason than the words that have been cruelly carved into her being._

Kawamoto said those same words to her tonight.

“You weren’t the easiest to love,”

As he expresses more of his _concern_ , the speechlessness wasn’t just wasn’t from her annoyance, it slowly turned into disappointment in a blink of an eye. Not that she cared about his opinion now, she knows that she couldn’t care less. It’s just the fact that Shiraishi just saw a stranger in his eyes now, where she once saw a soulmate and that’s what broke her once again. She couldn’t speak and was close to tears.

“You just wasted her time,” 

She looks beyond her shoulder to see where the voice came from, not that she needed to, she _knew_ exactly who's mouth it came from.

“You just wanted an idea, a trophy,” Aizawa says as he approaches—only stopping as he had reached Shiraishi, “not a girlfriend—not an equal.”

If he rushed to get here, he certainly didn’t look like it. Even if she knew he came from an emergency at Neurosurgery, Aizawa looked as handsome and put together as he did when he arrived on her doorstep.

“And you are?” Kawamoto says smugly,

Aizawa did not answer Kawamoto’s query and simply faced her instead, completely ignoring him. The look on Aizawa’s face was both pained, proud — even a hint of genuineness could be seen that Shiraishi can only look at him with gratitude. He slowly moves closer to her, to which she thought he was going to whisper something was actually him leaning down to kiss her cheek, as if to return her gesture from earlier.

“Let’s go, Megumi,” Aizawa says,

Aizawa says this in a way that was calm, caring, and of comfort that Shiraishi couldn’t help but blush and look away from his gaze. Maybe the others who were watching this spectacle were thinking the same thing as she was. Right now, she thought Aizawa was extremely attractive and that she was lucky to have him on her side.

The party was far from over but she wanted to leave and Aizawa just gave her the justification to— and none of her schoolmates would question it.

As they left, Kawamoto grabs Shirashi’s arm as they turned to the exit. Before she could swat him off her, Aizawa answers for her— grabbing his arm with a threatening grip, tightening his hold on her former boyfriend as he still held on to her. It took her awhile to notice that he was subtly clenching his jaw, as if annoyed.

They did say that in a world full of pain, there is always someone there to be of aid.

“Hands off my girlfriend,”

* * *

“Did you see the look on his face?” Shiraishi giggles, “ _hands off my girlfriend_ — where did that come from?”

They were seated at the park bench facing a lake, sharing a few cans of beer between them which they bought at a nearby convenience store— they know they shouldn’t be doing this, but it was a good idea at the time. They were relaxed and she told him her high school memories and how it was nice to see them all — well most of them. They even read a message that came from the reunion’s hostess after awhile, messaging her saying that Aizawa’s short appearance was the most interesting thing that had happened tonight and that’s all they had been talking about. She replied saying that she was grateful for the invite and enjoyed the party. She also said in her reply Aizawa’s thoughts on the matter— which was close to nothing, but he thought the decorations were nice and that everyone looked lovely.

When she had passed her second can, she then tells him of Kawamoto and how she ended up with him, which brought her feeling a little bit of an ache on her chest. Being stupid with your young love, your first love, will always be a right of passage, she thought. It was normal, but it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t hurt any less.

“I wish that it was easy to change and just fix everything wrong with me,” Shiraishi sighs, “I wish someone could come and help me fix this. Is there someone out there willing to fix me?”

“No,” Aizawa answers, “there isn’t.”

The manner in which he says these words wasn’t condescending — but they did sting. It was stern. It was serious. It was quiet. It was still. It was like he was saying this not just to her, but to himself as well — like it was something he understood.

“There isn’t anyone out there to fix you, Megumi— because you’re not broken.”

It was like from the unfeeling, apathetic sound of his earlier statement, he was now talking in hushed tones of poetry. There was a soft and soothing feeling that accompanied every syllable.

There was a deeper friendship now between them that grew over this predicament. If there was an underlying regret from both ends, it’s that along the lines of only reaching this point through an unconventional mean.

“He just didn’t understand you,” he says out of the blue,

“And you do?” she dares — a little bolder from the alcohol she had consumed,

“Perhaps,”

She then remembers of the movie she had watched earlier and the word _soulmate_ just etched itself into her mind. She was meaning to tell him that she believes in them, but they were sorely interrupted. She considers that now to be a form of intervention because she changed her mind on the idea of soulmates. Perhaps soulmates didn’t have to be romantic. Perhaps your soul sometimes would resonate with a friend.

“Kosaku,”

“Hm?”

“Thank you for being here with me tonight,”

Maybe Aizawa was one of those.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi, when i said i was putting all of the damn cliches in one fic i truly meant it. quarantine has boring but it's necessary and so i keep rereading this to pass the time and i'm just gonna post it so i can stop doing that.
> 
> my deal with user aishiraburu on twitter is still ongoing btw, but consider this just me pointing the knife closer to her neck lmao jk.


	9. Chapter 9

“Aizawa,” Shinkai calls him out when he arrives at the Neurosurgery office,

Usually, he would elect to ignore Shinkai when he doesn’t get straight to the point of what he wanted with him, but the look on Shinkai’s face told him that it wasn’t the time to ignore him— that he wasn’t fooling around this time.

“Come with me,” he says with an urgency, “now,”

The heli brought out a patient that needed a diagnosis from neurosurgery that day. There was an explosion at a nearby factory. One of them, a factory worker in his 40s, was brought to Shohoku. Since Shinkai and Aizawa were both busy with their respective surgeries and Saijo was out for a conference, a fellow of the Neurosurgery department was placed in their stead.

If it wasn’t Shiraishi handling the patient, they wouldn’t have survived. The new recruit, Saito, got a bit too overwhelmed by everything that went on— not being able to call out what needed to be done with the haematoma that was getting larger and larger by the minute. In his indecision, Shiraishi took lead and open up the patient’s skull on her own. It was only until the last minute that Aizawa could intervene and finish up what Shiraishi had started — scolding his junior afterwards.

It would’ve ended at that but when it was all over, Shiraishi looked for the young fellow to attempt to comfort him. She knew how much Aizawa’s bluntness bordered on ruthlessness, she just couldn’t help but try to lift up the fellow’s spirits. However, before she reached the Neurosurgery station, she overheard him say something rude about Aizawa. Honestly, it was so commonplace to hear about Aizawa being the stern, scary doctor he was, so it didn’t surprise her at all. However, the pettiness of the young man berating the doctor’s work ethic somehow sent her over the edge.

She did not know why she didn’t let the fellow hear the end of it — so did the rest of the Neurosurgery station. Shiaishi was well known to be one of the most approachable doctors around the hospital, so they never saw her look so scary before that they just stood there, stunned in her change of demeanour. They never thought she had it in her.

That was how Shinkai and Aizawa found her.

They had heard at least a good chunk of what she had to say before Shinkai held one of her shoulders to calm her since no one would dare to— even Aizawa, who couldn’t help but be stunned from it all. As she turned around to see who had touched her, she caught a glimpse of Aizawa as she did. She looks at him for a moment, hating herself when she realises what she had done and briskly walked away from the situation.

Aizawa immediately followed her though, trying to match up with her pace. He was only able to catch up to her because she stops in her gait to answer the call, the call he was so familiar with despite being off Lifesaving after all these years.

_Doctor Heli, engine start._

Their eyes met as she ran past him, like for a moment the world went on to go slow then slowly went back to normal as she removes herself from it. It was something that typically occurred all these years, but it was just now that Aizawa had realised that this — this will not change between them, their sense of duty. They’d always find a way to talk later, they’d always do.

* * *

“She’s right though, if you are too slow as a Neurosurgeon, you should not be one.” Shinkai said nicely, but you could feel a certain coldness to it.

Shinkai was firmly giving his own lecture to the young fellow in question when Aizawa had come back into the office. The fellow immediately bows down to apologise when he saw his senior enter the room.

“If you can do your job next time, that’s when I’ll consider,” Aizawa replies, “and you should be apologising to Lifesaving, not just to me or your seniors— to Neurosurgery,”

The young Neurosurgery fellow bows his head even deeper as he realises more of what he had done. When the acknowledgement of his apology had been made by his seniors, Saito declares his leave, to which they assume he was heading straight to the Lifesaving department —as he should.

“Saito-kun’s having it bad today, huh?” Shinkai brings up,

“Ah,”

“But then again, he probably deserves it if one of the most patient doctors around here couldn’t even keep it in,”

“In Lifesaving, you have to work together in order to save someone— but in Neurosurgery the surgeon also has to be skilled in order to do so,” Aizawa explains,

The brain after all is very fragile, if you’re off even by one centimetre, it might cause a huge change in the way they live— that is if they even get to live. The thing with Neurosurgery is that there is no room for error, because once you damage part of it, it cannot be corrected—it cannot be undone. So a moment of cowardice like that, especially in tune with emergency cases— with Lifesaving, is something irresponsible and selfish.

“—and he has failed to do both today,” Shinkai adds on to what he had said, “we have to make sure that he never fails again,”

“Right,”

“How is Shiraishi-sensei?”

“She got a call from the heli before I could ask,”

Which was the truth, but the look on Shinkai’s face tells him that he wasn’t convinced with Aizawa’s declaration. Why did he even bother entertaining Shinkai? What does he have to do with Shiraishi, anyway? Are they even friends? These questions loom in Aizawa’s head that he just simply elects to ignore Shinkai and starts to write on his report, distracting himself— maybe even irritated than he cares to admit.

“Hey Aizawa,” he calls his attention again,

He turns around, putting his pen away— acknowledging his colleague’s call to him.

“Does she have a boyfriend?”

* * *

Just about the time the sun was just about to set, Aizawa finds himself drawn to check on the Storage Room near the Lifesaving office. He just had a feeling that she’d be around there when she could take a break. She does that sometimes. It was one of the things they seemed to have in common when they wanted to clear their head. His inkling was right he sees Shiraishi seated on one of the spare stretchers as he enters.

“Hi,” Shiraishi acknowledges his presence,

“Are you okay?” the tone in her voice prompts Aizawa to ask,

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“I think you wouldn’t be here if you were,”

“If we’re going with that, you aren’t alright either,”

“Of course I’m not,”

Shiraishi was used to Aizawa being blunt, however, not like this. She forgot how painfully honest Aizawa could be sometimes. She couldn’t even bare to look at him.

“Why?” he asks,

“What?”

“You could have just left it alone, why did you have to do that?”

Shiraishi still couldn’t look at Aizawa, a little bit of frustration was forming in her— her fists slowly crumpling itself to the fabrics of her suit. She was wondering why he was sounding a little bit ungrateful about her defending him, but it slowly occurs to her. It was probably so rare for someone to defend him that he felt that he didn’t deserve it.

“You don’t have to defend me over somet—”

“But I want to,” she interrupts, “because I like you, Kosaku”

But he deserves it. He needed to believe that he deserves it. Aizawa needed to believe he deserves to be defended sometimes. Shiraishi then finally accepts his gaze, her demeanour changing slightly as she expresses the words he needs to hear.

“I like you Aizawa. You may be a little stubborn, a little awkward — maybe even scary sometimes,” she justifies, “but you’re so considerate and kind. You’re very honest when it came to your work— your family. I’m pretty sure you never even lied to me. So why did I have to do that? Surely, if someone ever spoke about you negatively, if any person spoke ill of you like that—I like you enough that it would actually piss me off.”

Aizawa takes awhile to absorb what she had to say, so much that he slowly scans Shiraishi’s face as if looking for some clues in between the creases forming in between her eyebrows. Was that how she truly felt about him? He didn’t know how to feel, how to react, really. Aizawa still couldn’t find the right words to which Shiraishi probably caught on in that little moment.

“and besides,” she continues, “we’re friends, I know you’d do the same for me.”

_Friends._

Right. That’s what they were, the truest sense of the word.

“Without a doubt,” is what he answers instead,

* * *

Shiraishi and Aizawa headed their way to the ICU. They were planning on going to see the patient brought on by the heli at some point during the day to check, but since they were together, it seemed like a good time to just head on there.

Shiraishi had to stop by the staff station before they could go, but as they approached the staff station, there was a huddling of sorts that was happening in the station. As they got closer, they slowly realise why they were gathered— maybe _who_ was the better question. They’d recognised that hat anywhere.

_Oh no._

“Aizawa doesn’t work on this floor anymore, Ma’am,” Fujikawa says, “but—”

“I’m not looking for my grandson, I’m looking for —“ she doesn’t get to finish her sentence at the sight of Shiraishi appearing in her view,

“Kinue-san,” she bows in respect,

“Grandma,” Aizawa follows,

Kinue-san did not mention she was coming to visit them— and by the look on Aizawa’s face, she didn’t mention this to him either. This wasn’t supposed to be part of their plans, but maybe they’ll be fine if they make sure she doesn’t mention it.

“Oh good, you’re both here. I brought some grapes for everyone,” she explains, handing out a bigger package to the both of them “but these one’s are for you, Megumi-san—Kosaku here’s yours too.”

“You’re playing favourites,” Fujikawa jokes,

“Of course, she is my grandson’s girlfriend after all,”

“Girlfriend?!?” they collectively say,

_Girlfriend._

Girlfriend. Right. She was Aizawa’s _girlfriend_ , arguably, but it was only in front of Kinue-san and never meant to be exposed to everyone—by everyone, she meant the hospital. The same hospital where they both work together. This wasn’t part of the plan. This wasn’t the plan at all. An inner conflict was swelling up inside Shiraishi — the urge to speak the truth and the urge to save face— to save Aizawa. However, before she could even figure it out how she wanted to approach this, Aizawa answers it for her.

“Yeah, what about it?”


	10. Chapter 10

“Did we do alright?” Shiraishi asks,

“I guess,” Aizawa replies, “I really don’t know how to answer that,”

As they bid their goodbyes to Kinue-san by the hospital taxi bay, they continued on to work as usual. It was like them anyway, to act like nothing’s changed. It may look like that from afar, but they really made an effort to avoid each other that time, just to avoid some strange looks. They simply smiled at each other when they inevitably couldn’t— looking as unaffected by the revelation as possible.

Aizawa thought of waiting on her at the end of his shift, as there was a light drizzle starting to pour as he clocked out. He thought that she wouldn’t have an umbrella with her like she seemed to forget lately. He mentally took note of that, to purchase one for her, and contemplated on whether he should just choose one for her or simply let her choose for herself. A thought in passing even brought him to consider just buying a bigger umbrella for them to share, but he shook that out so quickly like he was mortified that he even thought of that.

He thought right though. When he came to the Lifesaving office, he saw her digging right through her purse like she was looking for something that wasn’t there — her face etched in frustration and a little bit of worry. That look on her face changed into relief as he made his presence known to her.

They walked out of the hospital together that night, Shiraishi leaning close to Aizawa as they made their way to the rain. Both of them seemingly exhaling a sigh of relief as the sound of the raindrops met up with their little umbrella. They stopped over for awhile at a waiting shed, as the rain got a little bit too heavy for their umbrella to withstand.

“I didn’t know you were so popular with the nurses,” Shirashi teases,

Though they’ve done minimal interactions with their colleagues, they couldn’t really avoid hearing some things, or the looks they’ve gotten from them—some they aren’t even familiar with.

Aizawa apparently was very popular with the nurses stationed in Neurosurgery. Shiraishi only discovered this as she headed on to their wards at some point during her shift. She didn’t really notice anything strange until one of the nurses who accompanied her pointed it out that they were giving her knowing looks of judgement.

Her companion made it known to her that though Aizawa was mostly stern and professional, there were a couple of them who thought of him as attractive. It was like an unwritten rule between them that he was off-limits and was only to be admired from afar, so the news of him having a girlfriend threw them off — the girlfriend in question being her was a whole different thing altogether. They couldn’t even get mad at his choices, she revealed, and further solidified that he was rather unreachable— a fantasy, if you will. She did not really know how to react to that, if she was being honest.

“Look who’s talking,” Aizawa replies with the same intonation, “the residents of the Paediatrics Department we’re practically in tears when they found out,”

With Shiraishi, Aizawa discovered it through Fujikawa, of all people, but that wasn’t really surprising. Aizawa was going about his day when Fujikawa sent him a message about it—maybe a couple of messages.

Apparently, the residents of the Paediatrics Department seemed to all have a long time crush on her. They truly wondered how Aizawa could have possibly done it because those who had the guts to pursue her are met with failure due to her own obliviousness to flirting. When Fujikawa followed up, asking him how exactly did he pursue Shiraishi, Aizawa left him on read— not just because it was none of Fujikawa’s business to know, but he also simply did not have the satisfactory answer to his query due to answer being that he didn’t pursue her at all and it was only meant to appease his grandmother.

“Information like that seems to go on so fa— _ah!_ ”

Shiraishi was about to go on a tangent— using her her hands to make a gesture, when she realises she was holding on to him and startles them both. He seemed to not have realised it either.

“Ah,” Aizawa releases his hold on her, “sorry, I didn’t realise,”

“It’s fine,” she shakes her head, “sometimes even I don’t know when to stop pretending,”

Her voice mutes itself as she concludes her sentence. Pretending. The word instead echoed through her mind like it was an empty room and the sound just bounced back to her, slicing her core as it did. It was letting her slip back to another time but the thoughts never transpired andwent away quickly as she heard the clement voice of Aizawa who was beside her.

“We can stop you know?” he says,

Aizawa looks like he was about to say something else, but decides not to. She knew what he wanted to say however, the voice of his eyes were always louder than that that came out of his mouth.

_“I did tell you that if it gets overwhelming, you can change your mind.”_

He was a man arguably so full of confidence and now, reluctant. She did not know what to make of him. Maybe he repeated the statement to himself instead, asking himself if he wanted to change his mind. Was it getting overwhelming now? She must admit it so. Did she want to change her mind? No. Not in the slightest. For some reason, that answer came quicker than it should.

“I don’t think so,” Shiraishi says after awhile, “I think it’s just going to take a lot of time to get used to,”

“Are you sure?”

“It’s not that bad, if I’m thinking about it. We don’t really change a lot of things since I’m busy with Lifesaving and you with Neurosurgery, and I think everyone would find it understandable that we’re not so—” she trails off, not exactly sure what to say, “ _so—_ ”

“So?”

“Couple-like?”

“I see,” he utters after awhile, “should I try to?”

“Maybe once in awhile. The nurses might not help me anymore when you overdo it,” she responds playfully, which brings them both into laughter.

* * *

“ _What about it? —_ Ugh!” Hiyama scoffs, mimicking Aizawa’s declaration earlier, “and then Shiraishi tells me they’ve been dating for months— _months,”_

Those closest to Aizawa and Shiraishi couldn’t really say they were surprised, but the revelation still astonished them. It depended on who you asked. Some would say they’re glad that they’re together, some would say that they knew all along and it was only a matter of time, and some, some would say that they aren’t sure of what to think and are skeptical—Hiyama was one of those.

Hiyama has been deducing the narrative what Shiraishi had told her earlier. Not that there was a lot to begin with, Shiraishi only ever answered her in one-liners and simple grunts that it frustrated her. Weren’t they friends? When did Shiraishi even find the time to date? When did Aizawa even ask her out?

Something wasn’t right.

They claimed to be together for months and yet, it didn’t feel like that. She tried to recall all of their interactions from the past and nothing seemed out of the ordinary— nothing suggested they were involved romantically. Nothing in the slightest. Even more so now that they’re revealed to be so, like they don’t know they’re even _together_.

“They deny it, but they look like they have no idea what they are doing," Hiyama declares,

When Shiraishi had long left, Hiyama was gladly stating her observations and theories to Fujikawa at the staff office, when she realises that they weren’t alone in the room. She notices Shinkai who looked like he was discussing scans with her colleague. Well, _finally_ , because he seemed to look like he was there for awhile.

“How long have you been here?” she asks as soon as she realises,

“Since— _Aizawa couldn’t possibly! I mean, he doesn’t even sit next to her let alone sit with us when we hang out._ ” Shinkai says, mimicking how she had said her earlier statement.

Hiyama could see that Fujikawa was trying so hard to suppress his laughter at the Neurosurgeon’s action. The Neurosurgeon’s mimicry would’ve sent her to retaliate, but she was willing to let it slide if he saw it the same way. As she could recall, there were rumours that when Shinkai was newly recruited, he and Aizawa would butt heads ever so often during conferences— so maybe she’d finally have someone that agreed with her.

“Whatever,” Hiyama sighs, “you may not know Shiraishi that well, but you at least know Aizawa anyway so you’d probably understand why I find it so hard to believe,”

“I do,”

“So, you do get me?”

“I understand and recognise your opinion on the matter,” Shinkai comments before removing himself from the situation, “But you’re still wrong,”

Despite them not exactly being acquaintances, Hiyama thought he had a lot of nerve for someone not exactly in the conversation. Then again, she was speaking so loudly enough for him to hear and she did ask. She clearly didn’t think it through, but that didn’t stop her from feeling annoyed. Maybe Aizawa did have a point in thinking that Shinkai was a nuisance.

“And what do you think then?” Hiyama taunts,

“Does it matter?” Shinkai replies before completely stepping out from their office,

As the flames of the exchange died down and her frustrations lessened, she finally looked at her colleague again to see how he was reacting— or how he wasn’t reacting at all. Usually the one to react first when it came to office gossip, Fujikawa instead remained where he was standing the whole time it unfolded, casually reading the brief in his hand. When Hiyama audibly coughed, _twice_ , was the only time he looked up to her.

“Not to discourage you, but I’m kinda on his side,” Fujikawa mentions before he returns to his desk,

* * *

_“Stop pretending, Megumi,” he says to her,_

Shiraishi was being asked by Hiyama throughout the day all sorts of questions about her relationship with Aizawa. It was frustrating to her to say the least, but she knew Hiyama, so it wasn’t really surprising that she wouldn’t stand down.

_“We’re different,” he continues, “I’m never going to—”_

Her thoughts get cut off as Hiyama waved her hand in front of her, clearly annoyed at the fact that Shiraishi zoned out on her.

“Hiyama,” Shiraishi sighs—shaking her head, “just because Kosaku isn’t all romantic with me in the Hospital, doesn’t mean he isn’t. What do you want him to do? Kiss me while I work on my reports? Hold my hand while I stitch someone up? That just isn’t ideal— it isn’t professional.”

Hiyama was about to object when a sharp knock was heard from across the room. Shiraishi couldn’t even react fast enough to look when an audible sound of annoyance could be heard from her colleague— which made her all the more curious on who it was.

“Shinkai-sensei,” Shiraishi acknowledges the moment she laid eyes on him,

Shinkai returns the greeting from afar, but gives a questionable look to her colleague. It was painfully obvious that he witnessed the whole thing. Hiyama was watching him with a suspicion for some reason Shiraishi did not know, as if waiting to strike at any moment.He approaches them anyway with a nonchalance towards her, as if Hiyama was not there.

“Here’s the opinion you wanted on Aoi Hagiwara-san,” Shinkai reveals his reason for being there, “the conference for her surgery is tentatively on Tuesday,”

As Shinkai handed her the documents, Shiraishi caught a glimpse of Hiyama who still looked like she was staring daggers on the Neurosurgeon. Shiraishi was curious enough now, her eyes simply couldn’t tear itself from the look on Hiyama’s face. What exactly was her problem with Shinkai was now something that persisted in her train of thought.

“There’s also a report I want you to read alongside this one that could explain Hagiwara-san’s condition more,” he continues, “but I’m just waiting for them to send me a copy of it. I’ll come back when I have it,”

Shinkai took notice after awhile and simply turned to where she looked with an unbothered look to the person in question, who hasn’t dropped her glare on him.

“Are you done talking?” Hiyama asks him,

“Are you done staring at me?” Shinkai replies in a flirtatious way, but you could tell that it was done to induce a state of revulsion rather than delight,

“Could you get any more annoying?”

“Easily.”

Shinkai says this with a sarcasm, a venom, a hint of indifference rivalling that of someone familiar that even she probably could not hide the discomfort to have seen this exchange unravel. She wasn’t the only one. She caught a glimpse of her friend’s expression, most likely feeling the same. It goes away for a moment, Hiyama’s unease turns into an expression of scornful derision— but she doesn’t retaliate against him, only audibly sighing it out and walking away from the office, conceding.

She’s looking at Shinkai now. He didn’t seem to be affected from his exchange with Hiyama at all, which got Shiraishi thinking that it wasn’t the first time they had a row. She was trying to understand a little bit more about him, slowly drifting off again— but her thoughts went out of her mind when they finally caught each other’s eye. You could tell that they’re a bit embarrassed of it all, maybe even self-conscious.

“Sorry about that, Shiraishi-sensei,” Shinkai apologises, “I think I just got under her skin from a conversation we had previously,”

“I think I should apologise for earlier too. She really doesn’t back down, does she? I thought she’d be alright with it since she was talking about how much I needed to dat—” Shiraishi replies with a solemnity but she immediately realises that she had said too much—covering her mouth as if to catch what has already been said, “sorry,”

“Don’t be,” Shinkai says in response, “I think I could understand why you and Aizawa kept it to yourselves,”

 _You don’t know the half of it, Shinkai._ Shiraishi felt a little bit guilty as she realises the Neurosurgeon looked like he was convinced of their relationship. She wondered if Aizawa felt the same.

“Would Kosaku be alright?” she asks herself,

“You’re still worried about him?” Shinkai chuckles, “you truly are something, Shiraishi,”

When Shinkai responds to her thoughts, the blood runs to her face in embarrassment. She always seems to forget that she thinks aloud. He quickly quiets down as he realises her feelings, to which eases her awkwardness a little bit.

“You know, the folks at Neurosurgery either don’t really care or are too scared of Aizawa to care,” Shinkai divulges, “but from what I know, most of them are just surprised that Aizawa actually thinks about that — romance.”

The way he adds the word romance, like it was hesitant, causes Shiraishi to laugh a little — as expected. That wasn’t hard to believe, she thought to herself. She was sure you wouldn’t really believe Aizawa could be romantic if you didn’t know him well.

“I’m glad that amuses you,” he says, satisfied—reutrning the same brightness from her own smile,

“It does,” she replies,

“Don’t worry about Hiyama so much,” he reassures her, “she probably thinks highly of you, causing her to act a little bit out of line. I have a feeling she just doesn’t realise that just because Aizawa hasn’t shown any obvious sign of affection for you, doesn’t mean he’s ashamed of being with you. If anything, I think he truly cares for you. You wouldn’t be keeping it to yourselves if you weren’t protecting each other’s reputation here. But for Hiyama, she just seems to not understand that. It seems to me that she’s overprotective of your whether she knows it or not — she’ll come around,”

So that’s what Shinkai meant. The guilt feels much stronger now—stronger now that people like Shinkai seem to believe and understand in a way they haven’t really thought of.

She agrees with his thoughts on Hiyama. When she thinks about it, if they had switched places, Shiraishi would’ve felt a little bit hurt that she didn’t confide in her about something like a relationship. Maybe she’ll let Hiyama do whatever she needs to for awhile, even it gets annoying. It was probably the only way to make amends for being so secretive.

Then there’s his thoughts on Aizawa. She knew it would be bothersome to have the people in Shohoku believe it at first, but she only saw it in a way that they would be questioned about it. She didn’t exactly realise that it was to shield themselves from their work— their reputation. Did Aizawa think about it this way? Maybe he did. She might ask him about it.

Shiraishi sighs audibly as she finishes reflecting on what Shinkai had said to her, not exactly realising that Shinkai was still beside her, quietly observing. How long has she been zoned out like that, she doesn’t really know, but the moment she realised, she shot him all different sorts of apologies. Shinkai just shrugged and smiled softly as if accepting every single one of them, causing her to blush a little in embarrassment.

“Well, I should go,” he says, pointing to the door behind, “I’ll see you later,”

“Shinkai,” she calls out to him,

When he turns back around to answer her call, she hesitates for a moment, but the urge to satisfy her curiosity was stronger.

“What do you think?”

At first, Shinkai looked like he didn’t understand but immediately gets it.

“Does it really matter what I think, Shiraishi?”

“I don’t really know,” she shrugs, “but I did ask. So please humour me for a bit.”

“Well,” Shinkai entertains her, “all I’m going to say is that Aizawa has good taste.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you know what??? i wrote a 7-8k chapter and decided to just divide it bc i couldn't think of how to end it really, so i'm dividing it (this is the first half of it).
> 
> I'm really sorry, for the most part. I really did try to start writing again, but I couldn't do it. If you had an ounce of political awareness not just in your respective countries, but for the world during this time, you'd get what I mean. It doesn't help that we're still in the middle of the pandemic here. We're always hearing the phrase "The New Normal" everywhere, but from the looks of it, can we really accept it? The new normal is starving the less fortunate. The new normal is limiting education and employment for many. The new normal is slowly taking away basic rights. The new normal enables abuse from the very people that are supposed to be protecting us. Is this what you want the new normal to be? I don't think so.
> 
> I am not here to preach or impose any of my beliefs, but it is a responsibility being that I do have an audience (I'm not influencer-level, but I still have one) that I should help in creating a space to keep people informed and understand what is going on in the world today. I know it really gets overwhelming, believe me, it's the main reason why I took a long hiatus. It's overwhelming, so overwhelming that you just. want. to. make. it. stop- but you shouldn't. Not in the slightest. Please don't be afraid to educate yourselves for learning is a humbling and continuous process. Take your time to digest it all, but never resort to your silence, your neutrality. Remember everything, and never forget.
> 
> Sign petitions. Call, text, and or e-mail your local legislators (be careful, use a burner or alternate e-mail). Donate to the cause. Here's a link that can help you get started. It has information on other things that are ongoing in the world, not just in the United States. 
> 
> https://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co
> 
> In taking my time to air out my own conclusions, I do hope that it could help you to do the same. To think for yourself. Challenge your old beliefs. Do more and importantly, do better.


	11. Chapter 11

_“Well,” she exhaled, “thanks for walking me home,”_

_As he was about to reply to her, Aizawa noticed a sombre look on her eye that wasn’t there before, which interrupts him to simply express himself in a murmur— which really doesn’t seem uncharacteristic of him to do so._

_“Goodnight,” she said as she went on her way to reach the elevators, “I’ll see you tomorrow,”_

_As he walked on to the entrance of her complex, he couldn’t shake her expression away. Was something bothering her? Is it just leftover nerves from earlier? He let himself wait a beat longer before he turned around to head on back._

On his turn, he realises that wasn’t at her apartment complex anymore, but of the Shohoku cafeteria. He must have been daydreaming. Maybe Shiraishi was rubbing off on him.

“Oy,” Fujikawa calls him,

Aizawa bumps into his colleagues from Lifesaving as he was on his way to the cafeteria— naturally, as it was about lunch time seeing that the place was slowly filling up. He was on his way to the coffee shop to buy coffee for everyone in Neurosurgery, it was his time to buy for their conference that afternoon. It wasn’t supposed to be just him treating the department though, but Shinkai said he needed to check up on something. To Aizawa, it just sounded like an excuse so he didn’t bother to argue and simply sent him a message about repaying him.

“Oh look,” Fujikawa nudges him, “it’s your girlfriend,”

Aizawa looks up from his phone and sees Shiraishi walking past them—coming out of the administrative office. She did mention to him that she was adjusting her outpatient appointments to join in a scheduled surgery with Shinkai in a few days—someone named Hagiwara-san, he believes.

“It is,” Aizawa answers back—calm and serious,

He then waves at Shiraishi when she looks at their direction. Shiraishi returns gesture with a smile on her face before she continued on walking wherever she was going to next, which Aizawa couldn’t help but smile back at.

“Is that blushing I see?” Fujikawa starts to tease him, “‘Cause you think you’re so lucky to have her, right?”

“That’s right,” he answers in the same tone,

“You think she’s beautiful, don’t you? H—Ouch!” he continues to tease, laughing slightly but his amusement is immediately halted as the back of his head was struck by Saejima who was behind him,

“I do,”

“You must love her so much!” Hiyama tries to add on the conversation, in a more sarcastic— maybe one could even say frustrated tone.

“Completely,” Aizawa answers to her,

Aizawa’s strategies on questions about Shiraishi was simple— literally. It was satisfying enough but will leave you with even more questions and frustrations because he will never answer the same question twice nor give you a lengthy answer. To put it simply, this method was the easiest way to shut people up— and it has been proven to be very effective, and it shows.

“Hiyama,” Fujikawa calls out, “where are you going?”

He didn’t really need to excuse himself out of the situation for Hiyama began to simply turn on her heel and exit. She doesn’t turn around leaving in a direction away from the cafeteria, leaving Fujikawa and Saejima quite confused as to where she was headed.

* * *

“This week, we’ll have that reoperation for a Miss Aoi Hagiwara-san, yes?”

“Yes,” Shinkai answers, “Shiraishi-sensei of the Lifesaving department will be assisting me,”

“Does she have time to?”

“Last time I spoke to her she said she’d free up her time,” Shinkai explains, “she requested thatshe’d be the one to assist me since she was the one attending to her when she came on to Emergency,”

Shinkai looked like he was about to say something sly when his eyes met Aizawa, but he decided not to. It was like he remembered something serious.

“I’ve asked her to come on Tuesday to finalise everything,” he concludes,

“Okay,” Saijo adjourns the meeting, “that’s all, thank you everyone,”

It was about time for them to do their final rounds before some of them called it a day, hence it only took a moment for the rest of the department to get up from their seats to get back to work. It wasn't the same for Aizawa. He did handle a handful of them essentially, if not the majority of the patients were brought on to the department. When he was stowing away his belongings, he notices Shinkai still in his seat, as if the discussion wasn’t over. Aizawa discontinues his gesture and settles back to his seat—he was quiet, but he wasn’t stupid.

“How much do I owe you?” Shinkai lets out,

Aizawa hands him the receipt from the coffee shop. His colleague glances briefly at it, and simply bring out his wallet to pay for what was due, and then some. What was a bill supposedly to be split between them was paid by Shinkai in full.

“I had to convince Aihara-san to reconsider getting the tumour removed immediately,” he sighs, “he called me up while I was headed to meet with you— he keeps putting it off,”

“Ah,”

“I’ll pay for everything on the next one too,” Shinkai offers, “so don’t think I’m making up excuses—I know you thought I was.”

It’s one of the few things Aizawa liked about Shinkai, he had good judgement, but it doesn’t make him any less annoying—you truly cannot have it all.

“Have you met up with Shiraishi-sensei today?”

Here it goes. Aizawa had a feeling that Shinkai would bring it up. Shiraishi. It’s probably the price of paying up for everything.

“Hiyama’s been bothering her about it,” Shinkai says sympathetically, “something along the lines of _they do not know what they’re doing,_ like you guys aren’t exactly in a relationship,”

Shinkai’s next point went somewhere Aizawa didn’t expect that he felt like he didn’t have enough time to react accordingly.

“Oh,”

“She doesn’t seem convinced that you two are together. I mean, did you notice anything different on how Hiyama responds to you?”

Aizawa was a little peeved at what Shinkai knew, what was discussed when they weren’t around— but he could understand where they were coming from. He had to admit, there was something different with her when he saw them earlier in the cafeteria.

“Do we have to?” Aizawa replies back with a question,

“No. I don’t think it matters if you convince Hiyama or not,” Shinkai admits, “but I think it does to Shiraishi,”

* * *

_“Stop pretending, Megumi”_

_Shiraishi caught up to him in his stride. He doesn’t look back at her._

_“We’re different,” Harada added, “I’m never going to meet your standards—your family’s expectations, ideals.”_

_“Noriaki,”_

_“Even your own ideals, Megumi,”_

“Megumi,”

The call of her name, echoed— _blurred,_ like someone called her name in unison. But she realises that only one person was calling out her name. She was lost in her head again. She’d been doing it too much for her liking, but it wasn’t the time to scold herself—there was work to do.

She looks up to him and her eyes slowly crinkle upon the realisation that it was one person she honestly wants to see.

“What can I do for you, Kos—” she stops midway, noticing some of her staff looking at her as they interacted, “Aizawa-sensei,”

Aizawa gives her a questionable look, but quickly realises why she changes her demeanour.

“Can’t I see my girlfriend?” he replies teasingly,

Shiraishi pouts at him now. She knows he’s just trying to cheer her up, but she just wasn’t having it. He senses this, that her mind was occupied by something that he hasn’t quite figured out yet. Was this what Shinkai was talking about? Maybe, but the thought annoyed him. The thought that Shiraishi has confided in Shinkai— and it irritates him. The irritation directed more at himself, if anything, but he’s trying his best not to show it.

When he looks around, he realises his failure to contain himself as those in the station suddenly dispersed and looked as if they’ve received an emergency call— but they haven’t.

“What’s this?” Shiraishi asks, pointing at what seems to be a paper bag,

“I figured you haven’t eaten yet,” Aizawa shrugs,

“What?”

Shiraishi realises she had missed lunch again as she examines the paper bag, because it contained a sandwich familiar to her— smoked salmon with slices of egg, cucumbers, and lettuce, intricately placed on slightly toasted rye bread. Her usual order.

“I remember you mentioning you liked that smoked salmon sandwich at the coffee shop downstairs,” he mentions, “so I got you one,”

She nods at this, a little bit flustered at the gesture. However, her eyes don’t meet the Neurosurgeon’s. It seems like whatever she has been thinking about still lingered.

“I—”

She couldn’t speak really. She didn’t know whether to be annoyed at him for coming to the staff station to tease her, or apologise for worrying about her, and or pay him back.

“Don’t even think about it,” he reprimands her,

She knows that he means the sandwich, but it felt like there was something else he knew. There was something else he knew, but he never pried it out of her to confirm it. He simply gave little clues here and there, to let her know that he would be there for her when she needed him. This was one of those things.

When she looks up to him again, he gazes at her softly— and for a moment, she felt like there was nobody else around. She just couldn’t look away. She’s still in a daze.

“I have to go now, Megumi, I still have outpatients,” he expresses, “but I’ll see you later, yes?”

Shiraishi eases up in her seat and nods her head. Aizawa takes this as a cue to leave and starts to head back to his post.

“Kosaku,” she calls out to him, not caring that most of Lifesaving probably heard her calling him like this,

He usually just stops to listen before continuing on his way, but Aizawa turns to look at her this time.

“My shift ends actually ends around 8 today instead,” she announces, “I’m sorry you have to wait a little bit longer,”

Aizawa just simply shakes his head and gives her a look that tells her he’ll be there and walks off, to which Shiraishi could not help but keep her eyes on him until he disappeared completely from her view.

* * *

“Oh it’s Shinkai again,” Hiyama acknowledges, “if I didn’t know any better, I’d say you’re coming around to flirt with Shiraishi over there by giving her your medical opinions,”

“Funny,” Shinkai acknowledges, “maybe lay off the romance dramas for a bit, your expectations are a bit ridiculous.”

It’s amazing how Shinkai could shift from a moment of spitefulness to gestures of genuine kindness. Shiraishi wonders if it came naturally to him or he had taught himself to control his emotions like that.

“Shiraishi, here’s the original journal that I told you about. Sorry it took so long for me to find,”

As he passes the file to Shiraishi, the smiley demeanour that Shinkai had for her suddenly disappears once Hiyama started talking again. Maybe he’s starting to get annoyed with her antics as well.

“Well, I could just be single forever. I’d rather have nobody than someone who’s pretending to like me because I like them,”

As Shinkai looks away from Hiyama, he notices Shiraishi start to switch off to the conversation. The expression of her face between indifference and an immense sadness that made her stop paying attention to her surroundings—like she’s remembering a different time in her life.

_“We’re different,” Harada replies, “I’m never going to meet your standards—your family’s expectations, ideals.”_

_“Noriaki,”_

_“Even your own ideals, Megumi,”_

_“I—”_

_“There will come a time that you’ll grow tired of me,”_

_“No,” Shiraishi’s voice pleading,_

_“There will come a time you’ll grow tired of me. You don’t see it yet, but you will.”_

_“Noriaki, I—”_

_“Why do you even love me, Megumi?” he asked, but he answers the question himself in his frustration, “Because when we met, you were down,”_

_“Yes, but—”_

_“You were down,” Harada cut her off, “you were lonely and I just so happened to be there.”_

_She brought him to an embrace this time. An embrace that was more of desperation, for Shiraishi was no longer sure that his heart belonged to her. Then he left, where viciously, contemptuously, the rain pounded as it would— as if carrying out the deed of breaking her heart, as if it wasn’t broken enough._

_“Don’t settle for anything less,” he said in parting,_

“I don’t want to settle for anything less,” Hiyama declares, her voice brings Shiraishi back to the present.

“Well,” Shinkai answers, “that’s kind of unhealthy,”

“I—”

Hiyama was about to say something, but her retort was never heard as Shiraishi suddenly cuts her off with a vitriol rivalling that of the person indirectly involved—maybe Aizawa was rubbing off on her.

“What do you even know?” Shiraishi cuts,

Maybe Hiyama had struck a nerve with using the word pretend, maybe it was the thoughts of the past that heightened her emotions, or maybe it was because she was a little bit more defensive now when it came to Aizawa, but she was just not going to let Hiyama just keep badgering her when in fact, Hiyama has absolutely no idea what exactly is going on between Aizawa and herself.

“I’m not pretending to like him, nor am I settling,” Shiraishi says in the same tone,

She was pretending to be his girlfriend, yes—but that didn’t mean she was pretending throughout. She liked Aizawa. She didn’t know to what extent, but to do this for him is probably a good measurement of that.

This past experience, she realises, came at this point in time not to exactly haunt her, but for her to not to make the same mistakes again. It may not be a conventional relationship, or it may just be all an act to appease his grandmother— but to everyone else, it looked like it. So in this thought, she believes it should be defended the way a _real_ relationship should be. She thought Aizawa would understand. She thought he’d do the same.

Shirashi finished up what she was typing and all of a sudden left the room before they even had a chance to ask why. Why? She did not know either, only that she felt the urge to flee — to breathe. As she walked, she had found herself darting to the emergency exits to the helicopter hangar, remembering the openness, the solitude that it came with. She felt it call out to her ever so temptingly, the fresh breeze greeting her as the doors opened to the outside.

It was like they knew.

There was still remnants of the rain around the helipad. You could still catch its scent as it moves in the cool air.

The forecast did say there was a high chance for it to rain today, but they didn’t really quite mention that seeing Aizawa after the rainfall was part of that equation—maybe that wasn’t their department, really.

She almost turned around to go back as anxiety filled her as she realises who it was, fearful of him seeing her like this— the words that he would say seeing her in this sorry state. Maybe he wouldn’t say anything like he usually did, but his eyes would say everything he needed to. She tried, but she just couldn’t move, the adrenaline of briskly walking to this point from the staff office has waned down and the energy to even move back into the hospital to escape were now beyond her— and abruptly, he turns.

“What are you doing here?” she asks,

“I think I should be the one asking you that question,”

Shiraishi just looks at him, resigned, seemingly too tired now to talk about it. She felt very overwhelmed, confused, quietly frustrated with it all. Too exhausted from what has transpired a few moments ago. She rests her body on the railings for support, leaving Aizawa dazed at the sight. She looks away from his as she notices his look of curiosity.

“Are you still worried about Hiyama?” he brings up,

There was a hesitation in his voice, like what he knew was something he shouldn’t have. The beat halting both of their movements.

“Would it make you feel better if I talked to her?”

“No,” she answers way quicker than she should have, calming her voice as she continues, “no, it’s alright. It’s just that—”

She stops herself from continuing her thought, knowing that she said too much _again_. Just then, Shiraishi instinctively looks in his direction and finds him still fixated in her appearance, as if trying to connect— but she immediately turns her gaze away from him, removing herself, unfastening.

“Can we not talk about that for awhile?” she says in lieu, “I don’t really want to think about that. I need to just stop thinking about it,”

“Alright,” Aizawa replies in a quiet, sympathetic tone,

“But can you just keep talking? Maybe tell me a story, please?” Shirashi pleads, “Anything but _that_.”

That.

She says this with a pointed look to him. Shiraishi in actuality is contradicting herself, he knows this. In her eyes he could see that there is a lot that she wants to say but ultimately couldn’t say anything at all. but Aizawa was struck by her harsh veracity that for a moment, he couldn’t figure out what to do next.

But he could. He could do something about it.

Without saying anything or actually doing anything, Aizawa suddenly wraps his arms around Shiraishi — adjusting to her slight stiffness from the contact, holding her tight.

“Sorry,” Aizawa says—realising his actions were a bit unusual, “but I just thought that we should, you know—hug. I mean I will tell you a story like you asked, but I just thought it would be better if we did.”

_Oh._

There wasn’t anyone around to see, so he didn’t really have to do things like this— he didn’t have to pretend. The stiffness of her slowly loosens when she realises that he wasn’t putting on a show. This wasn’t pretend. Aizawa, in his own way, was trying to figure out how to show his concern for her.

With those thoughts in mind, Shiraishi then leans further into him and softens her gaze until her eyes completely close in— melting into his embrace. He was right, it was better. It was better that they did. It felt so warm and comforting— the kind that you wouldn’t want it to end. Hopefully, Aizawa wouldn’t let go for awhile until she did.

“Do you want me to start talking or—”

“Sure,” Shiraishi says, not giving any hint of letting go anytime soon, “tell me something interesting,”

As he spoke freely, though in hindsight the topic of the story being so casual and utterly forgettable, Shiraishi felt like that he was trying to sketch a world for her where she could escape whatever worry she had— respectful to what she had asked. She didn’t speak but simply moved her head that was against his chest—occasionally letting out a soft murmur which reverberated all over his chest. He thought it was her attempts of letting him know that she was still listening or maybe signalling that she had liked what he had said— hoping it was the latter, he really wanted to do this right.

It was like nobody existed but them for awhile, like they had forgotten the world for a moment.

Like they had forgotten that they were still at the hospital.

Like the awareness that someone could be watching from afar.

And there was someone.

Actually, there were two.

There was a smugness in Shinkai’s face that couldn’t be wiped off as Shiraishi and Aizawa’s display lingered longer than Hiyama could stomach.

“Unlike you,” Shinkai comments, “I do not think that love is all about the heart-wrenching moments, the cute run-ins and or accidents. I think it’s much simpler than that. That’s why a lot of couples tend to break up, because they set an unrealistic expectation without going through the effort to understand their partners themselves. I think that’s why Shiraishi and Aizawa like you say—look like they have no idea what they are doing. They’re still figuring it out on their own.”

“I thought you liked Shiraishi,” Hiyama weakly replies,

“Who doesn’t like her?”

“That’s not what I meant,”

“Why do you even care?” Shinkai teases her, “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were interested in me, Hiyama-sensei,”

“Huh?” she says astonished, “You really are insufferable, Shinkai,”

Insufferable. She could really say that again. Shinkai cared so much that it was difficult to bear. It was kind of insufferable. He did like Shiraishi. Hiyama caught on to that, but he wouldn’t let her have that victory—hiding it in cheeky retorts and presumptuous gestures.

But it was fact. He liked her. He liked Shiraishi. He could at least admit this to himself.

He wasn’t going to lie to you either that he hasn’t had a bad thought about it, but it was only briefly. It quickly dissolved into thoughts of her, having the potential to have everything she wanted in love, this supposed new love, through Aizawa—maybe things that she wouldn’t even find in him, and sometimes, that should be enough.

That’s what he thought Hiyama did not realise yet, that though there is an opposition on her end—on his end, it wouldn’t matter for they aren’t directly involved. He thought maybe annoying Hiyama would set her straight, which seemed to be the right way to do it. Seeing her struggle away the smile she was trying to hard to hide as she looked at them from afar. Shinkai thought if he annoyed her enough, she’d be right as rain again sooner than he thought.

But that’s probably enough for today, he wasn’t that cruel.

“I’m all for making you miserable by proving you wrong—by being insufferable, as you say,” Shinkai smugly retorts, slowly walking away from her, “but unfortunately, I still have work to do.”


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Medical terms I used in the chapter:  
>  _Suboccipital Crainotomy _\- we all know by now what a craniotomy is by now, but if you don't, it's basically just any cut they do into the skull— in this case, a suboccipital craniotomy is when they remove a portion of the bone behind the ear to remove acoustic neuroma (a tumour that presses on the hearing and balance nerves of a person).__
> 
> Also, there are cypress trees in Aomori, I checked.

“Thank you very much, Shinkai-sensei,” the patient’s mother exclaims to the doctor as he concluded his update on her daughter’s surgery,

“You shouldn’t be thanking me,” Shinkai says modestly, as he gestures Shiraishi to move forward, “she’s the one who came to rescue your Aoi-san,”

She didn’t expect it, since she doesn’t really look for thanks for simply doing her job well—seeing her patients get better is all the thanks she needs. Nevertheless, it does feel nice once in a while to be hyped up like so— but it doesn’t make one’s self-consciousness go away. The feeling finally came from the shower of gratitude from Hagiwara’s mother and naturally, she looks away predictably. She looks away and sees the Neurosurgeon smiling at her from where he stood. It was kind of comforting.

“You didn’t have to do that,” she comments shyly as they were headed back to the Neurosurgery office,

The moment Shiraishi gets a glimpse of him, it seems that he already knew she would say that. He shakes his head, smiling imprudently at her and says nothing about it.

“Oh, Aizawa might be awhile,” Shinkai says as he looks at his watch, “he’s in the OR now for a Suboccipital Craniotomy. He might take longer though, knowing that he’s dealing with someone who’s paid to look good,”

“He’s working hard,” Shiraishi comments, “Let’s do the same, yes?”

In the hour they were working beside each other, exchanging opinions on what to do, what was the best approach— she finds herself comfortable, natural in the Neurosurgeon’s company, unconsciously leaning forward whenever he spoke. There was something in Shinkai’s voice, she muses, that catches the light—like sudden summer rainfall.

Rainfall. 

Rain.

It was funny that she was suddenly associating rain with something positive. She thought she’d never see that day, she guesses Aizawa had that way of changing her perspective—a manner in which convinced her of redefining what was once something undeniably crass to her into something bearable, daresay, even fairly good.

“Hey Shiraishi,” Shinkai calls her attention,

“Hmm?”

“Do you when was the last time Aizawa took a break?” Shinkai asks, “before you say anything else—his day offs don’t count,”

“O-Oh, when he—”

“Visiting his grandmother doesn’t count either,”

“Uh,” Shiraishi couldn’t give him a proper response,

“Did Aizawa even take you out for the weekend recently? Like a date?”

Shiraishi knew that Shinkai was just teasing, curious, as good friends are and felt no offence. However, she felt the need to turn away from him as she notices his expression of curiosity. Did he see through her? Did he see through the lie? Maybe not. Yet, she didn’t feel any less awful for trying to figure out a convincing answer to give him even if the answer was no— not even close. She only looks back at him once she hears him letting out an audible sigh. He was leaning back into his chair, looking up into the ceiling, as if deep in thought.

When he finally leans forward, he immediately reaches for his tablet, as if to confirm whatever it was he was thinking. He looks at her now, with a boyishly handsome smile, confident in whatever he was about to say—to propose.

“Hey Shiraishi,” Shinkai asks, “when was the last time you went back to your hometown?”

* * *

_Shiraishi arrives at a place all too familiar to her. On the wake of her appearance, the fresh breeze greets her and moves her to look. To look where exactly, she already knew. She didn’t even need to be told. But wait, there is something different about it—more like someone._

_Who is this figure? She couldn’t tell. She couldn’t tell but she could not help but to be immediately drawn to him. Maybe it was the atmosphere—the gentle breeze entangling itself around her as if singing a gentle tune, the grass sparkled with dew, glistening like morning stars, and this cypress tree all too familiar to her. She was back again at the park where she spent most of her time growing up._

_She couldn’t see his face but she knew he was smiling at her, beaming. Beaming as if he knew that she was coming. She moves closer now, firmly standing next to him. Standing in front of this tree. This tree that was rather ordinary, rather standard—but somehow, it wasn’t. It was like it knew all, it knew her. Maybe it did since it watched over her all these years._

_She glances at the man now. She cannot recognise his features at all, yet she felt relief. Finally. Finally, he was here._

_He moves closer now, close enough that the only sound you could hear is your heart pounding—the sound racing, making its way to her ears. It intensifies as he moves to caress Shiraishi’s cheek. She fought hard the urge to close her eyes and just feel the sensation as each fingertip gently traced her jaw—slightly tilting her chin up as it went there. He leans closer now, closer as if he was about to kiss her. Now was her time to slowly close them and as she was about to, a soft murmur escapes him and…_

_Ladies and Gentlemen, we have started our initial approach to Aomori. Please ensure that your large electronic devices and carry-on baggage are stowed in the overhead bins or under the seat in front of you, your seatbacks upright, tray tables stowed, and seatbelts securely fastened…_

Shiraishi opens her eyes to the slightly dimmed cabin lights of the aircraft. Right. She was on a plane right now on their way to a conference. It was a dream.

“You look like you slept well,” Aizawa remarks as Shiraishi adjusts,

“Yes,” she yawns, “until the man of my dreams suddenly sounded like the announcement, it was quite nice,”

“Are you going to tell me about said man of your dreams?”

“Maybe,”

* * *

“So this is where you studied,” Aizawa confirmed,

“Yeah,” she said as she took in the surroundings, “it’s been awhile,”

They were picked up by the organisers from the airport and while their luggage had been sent to their hotel, they were driven immediately to Meiho Medical University to be welcomed. They entered an event hall, spacious, well decorated, and supplied with a fully-stocked counter filled with assorted hors d'oeuvres, subtly reminding Aizawa of Shiraishi’s background.

There was a bit of greetings to familiar faces, an exchange of casual conversations, as it was standard, Shiraishi and Aizawa kept each other close—feeling as if this wasn’t the scene they would like to stay in. They signal to each other to move to the bar eventually, where they could talk subtly as they walked.

“Now that we’ve registered,” Shiraishi whispers, “I can show you around,”

“That seems like a good idea,”

The plan was set but before they could execute it fully, someone stops them in their movements. A dignified woman. A dignified woman who looks exactly like the woman next to him.

“You must be the boyfriend,” Mrs. Shiraishi says in lieu of greeting them,

They look at each other in anxiety, wondering how on Earth did their “relationship” reach here. It was probably Saijo-sensei’s doing. Shiraishi mentioned once that he sends her family postcards during the new year. As Aizawa subtly glances to his side, he could see her riddled with nerves—she seems to have forgotten that her mother works in the University.

“Yes, Hello,” he acknowledges, “my name is Kosaku Aizawa, I am truly sorry that I only could introduce myself now,”

Shiraishi’s mother looks at him questioningly, as if observing—her eyes moving from head to toe at the doctor which sends Shiraishi to an uncomfortable place. Does her mother not like him already? Though it wasn’t exactly the relationship her mother thought it was, Shiraishi still couldn’t help but feel disheartened if she really didn’t like Aizawa. She felt more apologetic to Aizawa to have forgotten to at least brief him that he might meet her mother.

“Finally,” she breathes into a genuine smile,

Despite not expecting her company, Shiraishi found it surprising that Aizawa has gotten along with her mother quickly— so much so that she could escape and they wouldn’t notice her gone. She was ready to defend Aizawa like she would’ve done, to make her see how she saw him—but that didn’t seem necessary.Her mother was lively, animated around him. Treating him more than with just civility— as if he was her own. Introducing him to different people in the room, people who Shiraishi didn’t even know until then—people that could help him out in the future. And Aizawa plays his part well, doting on her—but trying to make sure that the Shiraishi who accompanied him here was always held close. Holding her close, close enough for muted, discreet whispers—but performing like lovers who live for the public eye. Inseperable.

They didn’t get to explore the University like they had initially planned, since they stayed with her mother up until dinner time, where they had promised to have a meal at her family home before they left Aomori. Maybe tomorrow, they thought.

* * *

“Could you check again please?”

The receptionist obliged and checked again for the third time. Aizawa noticed the young woman struggling, as if rereading her list over and over again, looking like she wished Shiraishi’s name was on it— which means she isn’t. She wasn’t on the list and the fact that it was the nearest hotel to the university, the hotel was fully booked.

“Megumi, did you do your booking yourself?” Aizawa asks her,

“No, I had to do an emergency surgery and— _oh no_ ,”

She reaches for her pockets to find the confession right under her nose.

> _Consider it my apology._

If anything, it’s Hiyama that should be sorry. She sends her a message, giving her a piece of her mind. The reply comes quicker than she thought it would. Maybe it was a slow day in Lifesaving.

> _Hiyama, it’s not professional._

> _Shiraishi, I had to convince Shinkai to let me_
> 
> _handle the accommodations. Make my deal_
> 
> _with the devil worthwhile._

> _Wait, what did you do?_
> 
> _Nothing, just had to give up my first born_
> 
> _child, no big deal._
> 
> _(-_-;)_ ···

> _Shiraishi, it’s just a few cups of coffee and_
> 
> _covering the additional fees of your room._
> 
> _Don’t worry about it._

> _How much do I owe you?_
> 
> _There you go again. I said don’t worry about it,_
> 
> _right? When was the last time you took a_
> 
> _vacation?_
> 
> _This is not a vacation! It’s a conference._

> _A one day conference which is on a Saturday_
> 
> _morning, and you guys are expected to come_
> 
> _back to work on Monday. What else are you_
> 
> _going to do on the weekend?_
> 
> _I didn’t say I was taking the weekend off._
> 
> _Well too bad, everyone in Lifesaving thought_
> 
> _you should. We’ll be fine, enjoy your time with_
> 
> _your new boyfriend. I know I would._
> 
> _If I had one. (_ ╥﹏╥ _)_
> 
> _(_ 。 _•́_ ︿ _•̀_ 。 _)_

Shiraishi couldn’t say anything else, but Hiyama still had something to say.

> _I hope you brought some nice clothes with_
> 
> _you or maybe it would actually be better if_
> 
> _you had the lack of it._
> 
> _Have fun! (_ 。 _•̀ᴗ-)_ ✧

“Hiyama,” she says under her breath—annoyed,

“I see,” he sighs, dropping their luggage to the corner of the room, “it can’t be helped,”

She didn’t realise that while texting, she made her way to Aizawa’s hotel room—well, _their_ hotel room. With the help of Aizawa of course. While Shiraishi could barely contain her panic, Aizawa handled her dilemma with reception, apologising for her and requested for another set of keys for his room. He then guided her as she walked ahead worryingly, carrying both their baggage to the room. As he explains what had happened, he’s actually surprised that she could be that unaware.

“I can stay in my own house, you know?” she states, holding her arms close, “It’s not that far from here,”

“Stay,”

“What?”

“Stay, Megumi,”

There was a beat of silence, a beat—but it felt longer in Aizawa’s head as he tried to figure out how to justify what he had said out of haste.

“We’ve worked so hard to keep up this façade and you’re just going to cause suspicion now?” he justifies,

With another beat, came another beat of hesitation and instead of explaining further, Aizawa grabbed a couple of things from his bag and headed straight into the bathroom. Afraid of saying something out of line.

Shiraishi thought it was his way of giving her the space she needed to think—and he was right. He was always right.

Why ruin everything now? Especially when they just played it up for her mother too. She covers her face in frustration as she realises how deep they’re really in this.

When she manages to finally breathe, she looks around the room for the first time. The room was large and lavish. Windows were nice and large enough that the lights from inside the room reflected in the glass, but from where she stood, the view outside seemed decent. The furniture modern, elegant, and probably French or at least French inspired—the cream covers of the bedding gave that much away. Hiyama probably paid good money for this room, this much Shiraishi knew, it had a quiet elegance to it.

“You could use the bathroom now,” he mentions as he stepped out not much later—drying his hair with a towel as he did,

He gazes upon her, now, trying to ease her into the situation, trying to be a little bit more apologetic—a bit more comforting. She knows this, she feels this, but she couldn’t help but look away. She felt like she couldn’t be comforted. 

“Right,” she breathes, gathering up what she needed,

She could say the same about the bath as she came in, rather spacious and complimented the room, with toiletries that didn’t look like or smell cheap. She looked at herself at the large mirror installed and saw more than what she would like—like the guilt. She could really use the shower.

Her mind races just as fast as the stream of hot water coming from the shower head—she couldn’t help but think about it. About Aizawa. About sharing a bed with Aizawa. She doesn’t need to worry about him. She trusts him. Completely.

_He only sees you as a friend, Megumi._

What was she doing? She shakes her head, dragging herself out to the present, trying to clear her head—maybe it was time to step out of the water.

Aizawa glances over his shoulder when he notices she has entered back into the room, as if in acknowledgement of her—then continues back to reading on his tablet.

“The bed seems more than big enough for the both of us,” she says silently, trying to ease herself into the situation—if anything,

“I could sleep in the—”

“I am _not_ letting you sleep on the floor, or on the couch,” she says before Aizawa could even suggest anything else,

“It’s alright, Megumi, really,” he calmly reassures her, “I’ve slept in odder places,”

“I’m not letting you sleep uncomfortably,”

His eyes follow her around the room as she settles on sitting on the edge of the bed. He looks at him sternly, as if she was not accepting of any other option— as if signalling him to do the same, to come into bed with her, which he concedes into doing so. As he approaches the opposite side of it, not once did his eyes wander in any direction other than her— watching, waiting, as if he was ready to back away if he saw even an inkling of doubt in her decision. There wasn’t any. There was nervousness, yes, but she slowly lays down to her chosen side, facing his. She doesn’t say anything else, but simply waits for him to the same.

She lays on the bed, trying to get comfortable. Aizawa follows suit shortly after—and they stared at the ceiling for awhile, trying hard to avoid eye contact. There was nothing wrong with sleeping beside each other, a variation of this idea in their heads repeated. They were adults. They weren’t stepping on anybody’s toes. So why do they seem so nervous in each other’s company now than they were in this room? Is sharing a bed really the worst thing that could happen?

It was something they knew on the sly, trying so hard to supress—to conceal. That if they think too hard about it, it might just start letting itself be known. That one look, one single glance and—

No. This was too important. This was too important to break.

“Aizawa,” she whispers, breaking the silence—trying to find a sense of normalcy. She hasn’t removed her gaze from above, staring into space.

“Hmm?”

“That dream I had on the airplane, do you still want to hear it?”

“Would I?” he sarcastically replies, jokingly of course— going along with whatever she had in mind,

“Well too bad, you’re going to hear it anyway,”

With an exhale, she tells him about her dream on the way here. The dream was a recurring one, repeated itself or at least a variation of it ever so often— but some things stayed the same. The indistinguishable man at the park near her childhood home and the all-knowing cypress tree. As she went on about it, the normalcy came back, and whatever they were worrying about earlier seems non-existent now.

“Too bad he ended up sounding like an announcement, I— _ow,_ ” he stops as she hits him playfully.

She yawns, signalling that it was time to rest up—she just hoped she’d get a decent one. Tomorrow would be a long day, after all. Aizawa simply gets up to turn off the lights, finding his way back in the dark and slips underneath the covers quietly. He turns away from her, leaving a little bit more space between to give her some comfort—something out of courtesy.

“You better stay on your side,” she jokes, tucking herself in the blankets,

“Right,” he exhales, “good night, Megumi,”

“Good night,”

* * *

The morning brightness that seeps in is what wakes Shiraishi the next morning. As she opens her eyes, a little bit of panic comes through her immediately — but she doesn’t move.

She doesn’t move because she realises she was resting her head against Aizawa’s chest, wrapped in his embrace, and the fact that he was still asleep.

She didn’t try to think about it. Letting her body feel the gentle rise and fall of his chest. She didn’t try to think about it. Feeling the faint pressure of his fingertips on her back. She didn’t try to think about it. The sensation of his warm breath on the top of her head, her hair — sending a sort of coolness down her spine.

She didn’t try to think about it. She didn’t try to think about it but she was failing miserably. She can’t help it. On what universe would’ve known that there would come a time that Shiraishi would’ve slept soundly in Aizawa’s arms.

She slowly shifted her head to look up to him, trying her best not to wake him. When she got a good look on his face, part of her just wanted to stay like this. Just like this. He looks so calm, carefree — this is an Aizawa that not a lot of people will never get to meet. Yet here he was, closer than he would have probably liked — his smooth dark hair covering some parts of his face would prove that right.

She caught a glimpse of the clock on the wall —it was early alright, maybe just a little bit after sunrise. She caught a glimpse and suddenly had an urge, a sense of time running out. Why? She didn’t know. Were the Gods on her side, giving her a little bit to enjoy her time before he actually woke up? Shiraishi was struck with an underlying dilemma that she will not acknowledge right now. She will not. She will not think about it.

She will just be. Only until he wakes. Only until he wakes.

Then she felt a slight movement from him that ended this little arrangement.

“Megumi, are you awake?” he murmmured,

She realises how close her proximity was. She was so close to him that when he spoke, that slight movement was actually, she realises, his voice that gently vibrated through her.

“Hmm,” she mumbles, pretending to be awaken by the sound of his voice,

If they stayed a little bit longer like this, Shiraishi thought she might’ve told something to this version of Aizawa — like a secret that only the both of them would ever know.

* * *

“You have everything you need?” she asks as they walked to their destination,

“Yes,”

“Did you send the presentation to the organisers?”

“Yes,”

“and—”

“I sent a copy to my e-mail, my phone,” he mentions while he toys with his phone, “I have also just sent one to you—I even have it on a flash drive,”

Aizawa breaks into a small smile as he hears the ding coming from her pocket that immediately followed, confirming what he had just done.

“I even asked for a whiteboard in case it really goes south,”

“You seem prepared,” she teases, “maybe even over-prepared,”

“Because I know you’d quiz me like this and end up doing all of those things if I didn’t,”

Shiraishi shushes him in good humour, because as he laid it to her—she knew he was right. She would do that if he didn’t. He signals to her that he’s about to go in a different direction to meet up with the organisers, but before he could get a little bit further, she calls out to him.

“Kosaku,”

Shiraishi takes a moment and steps forward to where he was when he halted.

“Your tie is uneven,”

He merely adjusted to where she was, complying—allowing her to do it. The movement was slow, steady, as if it was innocent and yet strangely intimate, when she adjusted the black tie he wore. When she was satisfied, she took one last good look at his face, his lips, his eyes that seem to draw you in—and she answers to it, leaning forward to him. From an outsider’s view, it looks like she’s about to kiss him—but she stops halfway.

“Do your best, yes?” she murmurs,

Aizawa glances at Shiraishi, not exactly sure on how to respond, especially when she finally smiles at him— stepping backwards and gesturing him to get a move on.

Not like she’s worried he’ll somehow screw it up, Shiraishi felt something new as she found her seat in the auditorium. Even if Aizawa was just one of the few speakers they have invited, the fact that there are more than a hundred people in the auditorium with her at this moment waiting on to listen still overwhelms her. Maybe it a matter of pride or maybe it was seeing someone you knew do so well in life makes you feel elated— and to Shiraishi, being that this person she’s supporting is Aizawa just heightened the feeling.

“You got this, Kosaku,” she says under her breath, like sending out a prayer.

Then, the speakers enter one by one. Introduced and then proceeded with the program. Shiraishi listened to every single one, like she would, she even took down notes whenever she found something compelling. She might approach some of them later on. Aizawa would definitely introduce her to them if they had the time after.

_We welcome our next speaker, Kosaku Aizawa, from Shoyo University Hokubu Hospital, who will be talking about his research on Emergency Neurosurgery…_

Then it came to him, like it was introduced. She wasn’t surprised at all that it was nothing short of excellent. She looks around the crowd and how they simply connected with him as he started to speak—as if in a trance.

When they finally met eyes, he doesn’t falter and continues on with his presentation with a bravado, explaining the effectiveness of delegating clinical roles to non-neurosurgeons. Proposing a model for emergency purposes—but Shiraishi could observe that he stood a little bit straighten—maybe even he smiled a bit in his pause. The gesture made her sink into her chair, relaxing into it—the nervousness just slid away with her shoulders. Shiraishi even chuckled to herself softly, which was probably inappropriate, but she didn’t care—she felt better when she did.

He continues and all Shiraishi could do was look. To look and to realise what she had been feeling at that very moment.

How he did things never failed to take her breath away.

* * *

_“Megumi?” Mrs. Shiraishi said, “I thought she was with you,”_

_“I would’ve thought the same,” he replied,_

_They had lunch at Shiraishi’s home, before they departed for the airport—as promised. After she showed him around the place and left him in the gardens, Aizawa could not find her._

_“If she’s not here, she must be at that park,” he thought aloud,_

_“Yes,” she said, astonished, “I’m surprised you know of it,”_

_Aizawa didn’t know he was thinking aloud that the reply startled him quite a bit._

_“Can you tell me where would that be?”_

_She instructed him to where it was—to keep heading straight until you see a house with a red roof, then to turn right. Before he could head on, her mother calls out to him again as he reached the door._

_“Kosaku-san,” she called out, “there’s an umbrella there in the porch—I think it’s about to rain.”_

He finally arrives to where of her story took place and she was there, predictably, as her mother told her she would be—as he thought she would. He moves a little bit closer now to where she stood, a little bit closer to the light posts covered in ivy and rust.

Then the rain comes unexpectedly, as Shiraishi’s mother predicted. Aizawa brought along the umbrella with him, so he stays in place—opening it to shield him from the water. What he saw next was a little bit more unexpected. Shiraishi doesn’t move from where she was standing.

He knew Shiraishi hated the rain and about to call her to come into the umbrella but he stops as soon as he looks again — her eyes are closed now with the palms of her hands facing the sky, as if feeling for the rain.

On instinct, Shiraishi would’ve moved. Shiraishi would’ve looked for shelter he thought.

Yet, she stayed.

The rain slowly made its way to cling onto Shiraishi’s face, from the thin fabric of her dress— flowing all over her body. She was soaked. She was soaked and yet, after a long time, you couldn’t remove the happiness that was being shown across her face.

The casual gesture ended up moving him, enough for him to realise how difficult it was to say nothing — to do nothing. To do nothing when every fibre of his being is begging to do the exact opposite. He was still human, after all — even if he knew it would be dangerous. He did the only thing he could think of.

He comes closer to where she was— and as he met her, he leans forward and places his lips against hers. Shiraishi hesitates, but only just, and kisses him back.

In that moment, Aizawa forgot everything — his fear, the couple of hundred reasons as to why he shouldn’t be doing this, their predicament. He kisses her anyway without a care, breathing in the combination of the rain hitting the grass and the scent of her skin — feeling her soft, damp hair under his fingertips.

As she kisses him back, all of these thoughts vanished — and it was just him and her underneath this cypress tree.


	13. Chapter 13

Shiraishi did not know why she came to the place of her dreams.

The dream that often repeats.

But this time, it was a little bit different. Despite the fact that she wasn’t here often, it was exactly as she remembered it. It just felt different now. It was like everything felt a little bit more mature than it was, and that included herself.

Maybe partly. It was because the air was still, and the sky a little bit grey— or for certain, that it was about to rain.

But she stayed. She stayed anyway.

“Hello, old friend” she whispers as she moves to meet with the star of her dreams, “it’s been awhile, hasn’t it?”

She looks at the old cypress tree, whom she considers a companion alongside her journey over these years —and without even thinking, without exclaiming out loud speaks into existence something she hadn’t asked it for a long time.

_Will he come?_

_Will I be able to ever meet him?_

Shiraishi had been dreaming about this scenario in movements.

More than once.

Ever so often.

This dream where she was in this park she always passed through growing up. The park where it had a singular cypress tree, who was like a guardian of sorts, watching her, growing along beside her. It was for a time, it still was. At least to her.

The park where she dreamt to be kissed in front of the said cypress tree, like it was presiding over her union—approving it. But the only mystery in this was who she was kissing. She never knew. Then again, she never had the chance to see it come true. But oh, she tried. She definitely tried to. But it never happened. So, she often wondered if it ever had any meaning at all.

Then ever so suddenly, the rain finally came.

Great.

The rain.

She would’ve ran for shelter as she felt it touch her skin. That’s what she usually did anyway.

She would’ve, but this this time she didn’t. She did not move.

Instead, she stood firmer now, with her hands towards the sky, feeling the rain as it passed through her skin—through her face as she looked from above. She closes her eyes on the grey sky above her and felt a whole new sensation from the rainfall.

Calmness.

Stillness.

A serenity she couldn’t even imagine she would associate with this kind of weather.

Peace.

It felt then like it washed away everything Shiraishi knew about it and replaced it with a whole new mindset. Like it was telling her they should start anew, telling her that things she thought she never imagined happening would come. Because when something like that leaves, there is something new bound to arrive.

By a twist of fate, she feels someone suddenly take her away and give her a new sensation that she hasn’t felt in awhile—actually, never felt before. It takes her completely by surprise.

Is this what they called divine intervention? The power of sheer, innocent—raw emotion? The tree finally telling her that this was what she was waiting for? But who was this? Was this a pigment of her own imagination or someone actually concrete? It wasn’t really clear to her until she felt his hands come to her face and she found her eyes sneaking a peek as to who—repeatedly doing so as she came for a breath.

It was Aizawa.

It was Aizawa, who came with the rain. He came in the rain and kissed her. Kissed her exactly how she wanted to be kissed in her dreams. Except he brought in the rain, and Shiraishi hated the rain.

Shiraishi hated the rain. She thought she did.

It left her cold, wet—and would probably get her sick the next day. The rain came with only memories of things she did not want to remember. She always thought that nothing good really came with the rain.

Nothing good really came with the rain.

Nothing good really came with the rain, until Aizawa came along with it.

Aizawa and the rain.

The rain left her cold and wet, yes. She would be furious as the fabric stuck into her skin from every droplet that came. She would have hated it. But as Aizawa kissed her, the feeling slowly replaced everything she knew. Everything she knew about the rain.

She now wanted to feel the coolness of the rainfall soak into her dress—into her bones. As the rain poured more and more, it had awakened every bone, every nerve in her body. It made her aware of the warmth that came from his chest—from his lips. The taste of him made her forget everything she knew about the rain. She wanted Aizawa to kiss her until she was shivering. Shivering to the point that her knees gave in.

She wanted Aizawa to kiss her like this, in the pouring rain—and that he did.

And for the first time, the rain did something that Shiraishi thought it would never do.

It made her feel alive.

And when he finally let her go, she stumbled back and looked at him—really look at him. The rain has completely soaked him. You could tell from the way Aizawa’s hair clung on to his skin—and yet, she’s moved.

“Was it like that?” he exhales, “your dream?”

“Not exactly,” she replies,

They just happen to look at each other at the same time, and they break into smiles in their disbelief that this actually happened. That they used to be strangers, rivals, comrades, friends, _pretend lovers_ — to well, this. They just couldn’t believe it. Maybe the rain wasn’t so bad. Like them, it falls. The rain falls. Whether it be a drizzle or a sudden downpour, sometimes even torrential, it falls. It falls down and soaks itself into the Earth—into you. It falls so unapologetically.

She wanted to be like the rain, so unafraid to fall.

“But I wouldn’t change a thing,” she reveals, “not even the rain.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right, I’m really ending it like this. Honestly, there was more planned with this fic in the beginning, but I guess I was too ambitious with my first foray into this kind of writing style. It’s really not for me I guess. A lot has happened since I started this and a lot has changed, both in my personal life and in the world today —which has changed my motivations. It’s almost as if I lost everything in a span of a few months and I just couldn’t move, and ultimately, I couldn’t write.
> 
> In all honesty, I still feel I couldn’t write— and I hate the fact that I am ending it like this because I just couldn’t breathe life into it anymore. It was a full blown drama anthology if I was being honest, but now, nothing. I even reread it a couple of times even to remember what I’ve written just so I could give it an ending— and for an entire month I have tried to write little by little to give it an ending I could live with, and that was this. I am so sorry that it has come to that point. But it is my hope that it still gives you something to look back on, something to feel in the short time you've read this excerpt.
> 
> Thank you, really, for sticking around all this time to support my misguided experiments and I am so grateful for your support as I went through them. But for now, I'm going to channel the little energy I have in me elsewhere. Venture into different things, like people say nowadays. And when I feel I could do it again, maybe write you another rain fic that actually feels complete. Who really knows? It is just my hope that you guys will still be around when I do.
> 
> I only wish you safety, security, and every happiness.
> 
> Take care of yourselves always. ♡

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, happy new year by the way! 
> 
> This is a fic wherein I step out of my comfort zone, because I'm doing this with no concrete plans on how to deal with it. It's a work-in-progress (WIP), which means I am not sure where this fic is going to take me — how long is this fic gonna take me. So I'm just warning you about the impending timeframe that this fic will take to update, to complete. So apologies in advance, maybe subscribe to it in the meantime or maybe watch it be updated on my twitter, apart from my live breakdowns.
> 
> Let me know what do you expect me to do with this, because theories are great and tbh discussions are everything. Happy reading! ♡


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